Table 81

Thank you!

2010-10-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

Over the last year more people have read this than I thought ever would and by and large the comments have been wonderful, encouraging and funny! I am, however, struggling to maintain this now that I'm back in the working world.

So, I have decided to suspend this blog for a bit. I will likely come back to it as I'm currently working on a book and will need to try out a chapter here and there.

Stay tuned!

k

CGI to COMNET 010

2010-09-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

Just the other day a friend asked me if I was ever home. It was (and still is) a legitimate question given that in the last three weeks I've been home just four days. But all the travel, chaos, jet lag and hotel hair are worth what I've experienced. First up was the UN MDG Summit, the Social Good Summit and CGI.

Nearly a full week of networking, listening, learning and absorbing all of the commitments made by companies, NGOs, foundations and philanthropists. Exhausting and inspiring, my head is still spinning with the world (literally) of possibilities that are opening up for girls, women, communities, and countries. We can eradicate polio; we can make sure that death isn't lurking in the kitchen; we can empower girls in the US to help girls in Malawi, Jordan, Indonesia; and we can end the trafficking of children.

I left New York and the celebrity-filled halls of the Sheraton (as well as the world leaders crowded into the UN) inspired and challenged by how to communicate all of this to the world.

Following a brief stop at home to repack (and attend my first meeting as a NARAL Pro-Choice America board member), I have landed in Los Angeles for the Fall 2010 Conference of The Communications Network. This is my first trip to this annual meeting of more than 200 communications specialists from the world's largest foundations and philanthropies. For the next several days we will listen, learn and share strategies about how to effectively communicate the work of that grantees do (and that are funded by the folks here).

I'm fascinated by the speakers the group has chosen and most interested in hearing from Neal Baer (the EP of Law & Order SVU), James Surowiecki who wrote "The Wisdom of Crowds" and Lucy Bernholz a consultant who helps foundations maximize their investment in applied research. These are only a few of the speakers but the fact that they aren't necessarily "on topic" will challenge us all to apply their successful strategies to our own work.

I suspect Baer will talk about leveraging pop culture and media to help drive change. Law & Order SVU has always been a strong supporter of RAINN and is tonight airing an episode on the delayed intake and processing of rape kits. I look forward to asking Surowiecki a question about how his work is related to the age-old Roper model of focusing on "influentials" (a strategy I recommend often).

In all, it should be really interesting. First up, though, a little fun: a night of cocktails and music on the roof of the GRAMMY Museum (how cool!) and dinner with a few friends on another roof. I'm sure the conversations will focus on change, big and small, and how we can all work towards it.

My what a difference a year makes (or not)

2010-09-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and suddenly realized that it has almost been a year since I started this life experiment - how crazy is that?

A year ago, I had quit my job, was participating in my "last" UN week, preparing to head off to Paris and so excited about the new life ahead of me. Like many things in life, things didn't exactly go as planned. I quit my job but my boyfriend quit me. I spent a lot of time in Paris but I still came home to DC. I thought I was done with divine nuttiness of global philanthropy but this morning I find myself packing for another week in NYC. So different, but very much the same.

For once though I'm excited about the "sameness". Next week in September is one of my favorite of the year. It is filled with amazing conversations, pledges and commitments around how we can all work together to make the world a better place. Ten years ago, when the MDGs were first imagined, I don't think anyone would have thought that true progress would have been made on reducing child mortality rates, putting more girls into school and finding innovative ways to fight global hunger. But we have. There is still so much more to do (as Bono pointed out today) but this whole "let's work together for the common good of humanity-thing" is actually succeeding and I'm proud to do my little bit.

My clients and friends will make world-changing announcements this week. (I know, it is an overused phrase, but nearly $2 billion for girls and women in the developing world is game changing.)

This time last year, I rededicated myself to "helping make great change possible". I get up most days and ask myself if I have been true to this idea; and for the most part I think I have been. Sometimes it comes in little ways (writing a press release; spending Saturday on the phone with a client advising them on how to position their programs or ideas); sometimes it is about money (increasing my donations); sometimes it is just in a simple action (directions for a stranger).

So I think I have, but next week will also serve as a reminder that I have not done enough - yet.

Balance is bllsht. Seriously.

2010-09-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

As I was walking down the street, late for something, I suddenly realized that this quest for balance is, simply put, bullshit. I don't really know what triggered this epiphany but the harder I thought about it, the more I realized it is true.

We’ve been told – especially if you are a woman - that we can have it all. A healthy family, a successful career, a set of wonderful friendships, a size 6 figure and a fantastic spiritual life – they are all in our grasp. Or at least that is what the billion-dollar self-help industry keeps telling me. That is what all my favorite gurus tell me. Hell, it’s even in the print campaign for my dry cleaner. (Ok, this last one isn’t entirely true but by only charging me $1.99 per garment they are telling me I can have clean cashmere and still have money left over to buy lunch. So there.)

But what I’ve suddenly realized is that everyone is wrong. We all have to make choices and at the end of the day we’re going to drop some balls. And that is, repeat after me, okay.

How do I know this? Let me count the ways:

It is September 1st. My last blog entry was July 21th. When I didn’t have a job, I could find time to sit in cafes and think about life. I could write about anything I wanted and do anything I wanted. Then I got a job. I’m now too tired to think about what’s for dinner, let alone think about the larger life issues.

12 things … not so much. I haven’t done too badly on this pledge I made to myself to only buy 12 wardrobe items this year (it’s the 9th month and I’m on item 11) but I will buy more than 12. Honestly, I wanted to feel pretty and buying 3 new dresses from Anthropologie was simply easier than any other option. I know I'm going to feel this again, and soon, this need to find some solace in boots or cashmere or silk. It doesn’t add anything to the waistline and it is actually cheaper than therapy.

Dating at 41. Seriously, this might be the worst. I’m 41. I spent my 30s getting into or out of three long-term relationships. I’m emotionally stable, a red head and I’ve got a great rack (or so people tell me). Yet, according to the magical, mystical dating gods at the online services I’m about as eligible as, well, not so much. My last two dates have been with a guy who brought another girl into it (not what you think, get your mind out of the gutter) and a man with constant flatulence. (The last one is a long story and it will make you laugh, very hard.) So now what? Wait for the gods to send me someone other than a computer programmer from Lorton who considers 80s-era Tom Selleck his fashion icon? God, I hope not.

Living in the dark. One thing I didn’t accomplish during my 8 month sabbatical was getting my light fixtures replaced. That, fixing my running toilet, and installing new screens on my doors have been on the to do list for over year. But I didn’t get to them while I didn’t have a job and so every night I come home to a dark hall way and a lamp in the living room that turns on and off at will (maybe signaling I need help).

Calling my mother. I can actually broaden this to my larger community and family. I want to be present in people's lives. I want to ask meaningful questions, connect on a personal level, be a better listener. Instead, I find myself trying to cram too much in. (Did I mention I was running late to something?) This leaves everyone frustrated, especially me. Ultimately, I end up disappointing the very people I care the most for because I'm trying to do it.

Okay, so I’ve determined that balance is BS but now what? It can’t all be about the job and how much it sucks to work this hard. I actually love my job. I love the work that my clients do and I love the fact that they ask for my help to achieve amazing things. I have succeeded in making change possible a part of my life. So as far as job's go, this is a good one and I'm happy.

No, it is, I've decided, just a fundamentally flawed premise to try and do it all AND succeed. In order to have real balance we actually have to let go of something. Try not to be perfect. This is what they tell you in Yoga classes when you move into balance poses; just focus on one thing (your breathing) and let the rest go. It is one of the principal teachings in Zen Buddism. Back around 500 B.C. Lao Tzu wrote:

So sometimes things are ahead and sometimes they are behind;
Sometimes breathing is hard, sometimes it comes easily;
Sometimes there is strength and sometimes weakness;
Sometimes one is up and sometimes down.
Therefore the sage avoids extremes, excesses, and complacency.

For me, this means that it isn't actually about FINDING balance, it is about accepting that sometimes your life will be out of balance. And that unbalanced life is just fine, for me, for now. (Though I really do need to find a plumber and electrician; anyone?)

The Gasp Factor

2010-07-21T19:39:00.000-07:00

I have never met Tara Sophia Mohr but she has apparently has figured out how to describe my life without even knowing me. She wrote this in a recent Huff Post piece, "Go for the gasps and learn how false your inner critic's narrative really is, and how conquerable your fears." I couldn't have written it better myself.

Choices and Choice

2010-06-28T14:56:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was asked to join the board of a national organization that advocates for a woman's right to choose. (The official announcement isn't for a few weeks so I won't mention exactly which group here.) I am extremely excited about this opportunity but I was shocked at the reaction from my friends about my decision to accept the invitation.

It wasn't my friends who are opposed to abortion for religious reasons who shocked me. They will pray for me and we will continue to not to talk about it the dinner table. I will respect their views, they will respect mine and we won't waste time or our friendship debating the issue.

It was actually women I respect, admire and consider my companions in the fight to ensure that abortions are safe, legal, and rare that surprised me. An abortion is, after all, a medical procedure. Doctors should be trained to provide them, women should understand the risks and consequences (emotionally and physically) of having one, and hopefully they are rare because women (and men) also understand their options.

This is what I believe. It is what a majority of my friends believe (though not an overwhelming majority). So I was surprised that their reactions ranged from cynical to worrisome to disturbing.

An older friend in her 60s said, "I didn't realize they were still around." One of my peers (and a good friend) said, "wow, that's a tough one." A younger woman said, "I can't believe you still care about it."

Each of these statements are true and speak to the challenges facing those that work every day on this issue.

My older friend's comment speaks to the declining stature and relevance of the groups working in the area. Clearly, they have more work to do on letting people know what they are doing and how it is making a difference. My peers' words remind me of the tough battle ahead, especially in a political climate as charged with hate and partisanship as this one. Congress is truly divided on this issue and there are only twelve states, and the District of Columbia, that have pro-choice legislatures. The political fights will be hard - and I'm convinced we'll probably lose more than we'll win, in the short term.

What disturbed me most was the comments by my young friend. Sometimes I feel as though two whole generations of young women have given up the fight. Maybe it is because choice, like Title IX, is something they grew up with and have never had to worry about not having. I sometimes feel as though I am from that last generation of western women (particularly white women) that still faced overt gender discrimination growing up.

Quarterback Princess was a Lifetime movie when I was in high school; now there are whole female football teams. When I was applying to college, there were very few women's studies programs at colleges; now every college has one (and a class on the Simpsons, too). There was only one seat for a woman at the table when I started working; now the majority of decision makers I work with are women (young and old). I feel blessed and lucky for the way it is now, I only wish there was some understanding of what it took to get there.

I wish I knew how to talk with these young women to help them understand that any right that is "given" to you can actually be taken away. That because the generations before us had to protect our rights in the courtroom and legislatures that these rights will always be at risk from changing political winds. But the sky-is-falling arguments don't work in today's world. We must find a new language to communicate the need for policies that ensure all women are valued and protected. There must be a way to make this our new reality.

I think I will simply start by explaining what I want. I want every woman and girl physically able to have a child to have all the information they need to make the most informed decision they can about their health. I want them to be safe and protected by society. Yet 87 percent of U.S. counties have no abortion provider - that means that teens, young girls and women must travel across state lines, stay in unfamiliar places and risk physical injury.

The picture is worse if you think about the 50 million abortions that take place in the developing world each year - more than 20 million are performed in unsafe, deadly, conditions. The risk of dying from an unsafe abortion in the developing world is 1 in 250, with many more resulting in severe complications.

For me, this is unconscionable. I can not stand by while girls and women around the world, and in my own country, die because they don't have access to trained doctors and sterile facilities close to their own homes.

That is why I care. Because I have to. Because these women matter. This is the choice I make.

A Girl and the Game

2010-06-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

I am not sure why but I have very few childhood memories - maybe it is an age thing - but one of my favorites is a faint one of me and my dad at an Atlanta Braves game. I don't know which game it was and I have no idea which team won. Hank Aaron would have had several at bats but I don't really remember seeing him play. I also have no idea how old I was but I couldn't have been more than five. (Aaron played with the Braves until '74 when he broke Babe Ruth's home run record on April 8th - 8 days before my 5th birthday.)

I remember barely being able to see over the backs of the chairs at Fulton County Stadium. I remember sitting on my father's lap. I remember the tiny sip of beer (probably MGD or PBR). I remember holding his hand as we left the stadium. I remember his joy at the game. I remember feeling loved.

Over the years, when I would see my dad on summer vacations, we went to a game every now and then but mostly we listened to them on the radio while he tried to teach me to play tennis or golf. To his great frustration, I wasn't very good at either.

He taught me to score a game and would ask me about stats but I wasn't that into keeping track of infield flies, errors, or even who won. He grew annoyed at me for my lack of focus and our visits to the park were fewer and far between.

When I was 21, we went to a game again. It had been a rough few years and our relationship was, for many reasons, ending. This time it was the '91 season. The Braves had started to win again (they would go from last to first that season). I had my own beer, we bought a scorecard and, for a moment, we were just a dad and his daughter enjoying the game. I don't need the long-lost ticket or scorecard to tell me that it was a perfect day and that the Braves won. I just know in my heart it was and they did.

My dad died a few years ago. I really miss him at this time of year and I think of him often during baseball season. He didn't leave me with much except that I am definitely a baseball fan. I still don't know a lot of stats. (Occasionally, I can impress someone with a well-done scorecard.) I just I love the game. I will go to any baseball game I can and have been known to schedule trips around which ball parks I haven't been to yet.

So a friend called the other day to see if I wanted to go to Stephen Strasburg's first major league start with the Washington Nationals. I jumped at the chance and I'm so glad I did. It was a gorgeous night. The park was packed. Everyone was smiling and happy. Strasburg did not disappoint. He pitched seven innings, threw 14 strikeouts (seven consecutive) and the Nats won. It was a night to remember. One for the history books.

After the game, as I waited to enter the Metro, I found myself next to a man and his young daughter. She was about seven and clutching her Build-A-Screech. The crowd was pushing and he asked her to hold his hand. She looked up at him and said something like, "Daddy that was the best game ever". He smiled at her and said something like, "it sure was."

I lost them in the scrum a few seconds later but I am guessing that little girl will always remember that day. The day her dad took her to a baseball game, smiled at her, took her hand and loved her.

A Car in the Living Room Puts Life in Perspective

2010-05-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

I will admit it, now. The last six weeks have been hard for me. I've started to settle back into life as a working woman and it has been more challenging than I thought it would be. Maybe diving back into the deep end wasn't such a good idea but it is the only way I know how to do things.

But, wow, it is hard. I haven't worked in seven and a half months and I have loved it, really.

To spend that much time doing only the things I wanted to do was an amazing gift (combined with some savvy financial planning). I traveled to Paris, Ebbsfleet, Mexico, New York, San Francisco, and spent more time in DC than I had in the whole year before. I spent time with my best friends, my mom, myself. It was all great. I lost 10 pounds, got up to running 5 miles, and was going to yoga regularly. I read 35 books (even the Karl Rove book was interesting), saw a ton of movies, caught up on seasons of Lost and Mad Men, and spent a fair bit of time writing.

Granted there were some lessons learned. My boyfriend broke up with me (pre-Paris); I took a dear person's friendship for granted; a couple of other friends have uninvited me from their day-to-day lives; I didn't visit India because I didn't want to go alone; I really hate running; oh, the list goes on. But for every negative experience I had, I had 20 positive ones and, no matter what, this time off will count as one of the smarter things I have done in my life.

So how was it so easy to slip back into bad habits? In the eight weeks since I went back to work (first as on high-wattage, low profile project and now with a company) I have barely made it to the gym, haven't seen some of dearest friends but I'm oddly over scheduled, and I'm falling asleep in front of the tv, again.

What happened?

I will admit I love to work - I've been doing it since I was 15 - but I honestly think the challenge of finding work-life balance is all about wanting to have a life and forcing yourself to fight for it. I don't want to go back to being the bitter, angry, depressed person I was nearly eight months ago. I was miserable and so was everyone around me. But sometimes it is easier to throw yourself into all the bad habits to hide from the fact that there are still somethings that are off kilter.

Losing that 10 pounds again, and 10 more on top of that, won't get me a date but it will make me feel better about me. Asking to repair friendships won't actually make it happen but I can try. Visiting my family won't erase the times I haven't but it is a good start.

All of this sounds obvious but I hadn't actually focused on it until tonight. First up, I spent a little time with a good friend, A. Not an acquaintance or a social friend but a true friend who doesn't judge or try to fix. Just someone to talk with and you each make each other laugh. Perfect.

Then when I got home, my friend S. called. He is one my dearest, oldest and best friends. Lately we haven't been getting along. But tonight he called and I made a crack that I was glad he was alive. He said, "barely". At first I thought he was joking but then I realized that maybe he was but only just a little.

A car had run into his house. Now this is the 5th time in 20 years this has happened so maybe he should consider moving but, still, no one wants a car to run into their house on a Friday night. Or ever. Several cop cars, firetrucks and contractors later and everything is fine. Thankfully the car hit neither he or his 55-inch TV but it did break through the living room wall, damage the foundation of his house and is likely to disrupt his life for a few weeks.

Ugh!

I was so glad he called. Not only did calling make him laugh a little it made me thankful I was still on speed dial.

Which is how this, the car running into the house, fits in with remembering all the progress I had made. Simply put, unless your BP and destroying the Gulf Coast, you can probably recover from backslides (including the late devouring of a pizza). It's possible to go back to yoga, start running again, not take work too seriously, learn to date again. It is possible, with a phone call, to fix a friendship.

Even without a car in the living room.

Finding inspiration in ocean sounds, tiny (140) acts and my friends

2010-04-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

Four wonderful, simple things happened today: my friend A finished her first 5k, another friend C finished yet another half-marathon, I woke to oceans sounds, and thousands of people were using Twitter to raise money and awareness of malaria. Each, in their own way, were inspiring and are helping motivate me to try and make a difference in my own life and in the world.

Several years ago, I helped build Nothing But Nets, a grassroots campaign to help send insecticide-treated bed nets to Africa where a child dies every 30 seconds from malaria. I'm incredibly proud of the campaign, the simplicity of the message, the tangible good it does yet by the time I left the UN Foundation last year, I was ready to let the campaign (among other things) go. So I left the team and the anti-malaria efforts behind, or so I thought. Turns out, no matter how burnt out you are, it is hard to run away from a personal desire to make change in the world. So today - World Malaria Day (or at least it is a for a few more hours on the West Coast) - I "rejoined" the effort to end malaria deaths by 2015 by following the UN Social Media Envoys and being of the thousands of Tweet-ers to #endmalaria.

My friends A and C also inspired me today to do something that was challenging or scared me. C is a real runner. She's run at least half of the world's marathons and her times are no joke. Today she ran a half-marathon in New York. A easy race for her, I'm sure but special because she arranged to do it with friends who aren't "real" runners and her enthusiasm for their success was encouraging and filled me with joy. The same thing happened when I got an email back from A after she finished her first 5k. As a beginner, she had conquered not only her fear but her lifestyle to accomplish this feat. Like me, she works way too much and so to run her first race she had to change her life in many ways. It wasn't easy, but she did it. I look to both of them to keep me honest and charged up about working out and getting back into shape.

The fourth was the simple sound of the ocean. I'm in Southern California with a client for the next week. Getting in late last night, it was hard not to be cranky. The flights were awful (even with my automatic upgrade) and bumpy. The cab ride long. The receptionist couldn't find my room. Room service was astronomical (and I didn't want to wait). So despite my awesome room, a complimentary glass of champagne and the down comforter, I went to bed cranky. I woke up to sunrise over the ocean, the sounds of people running by and the wind coming in off the sea. My, what a difference a few hours makes.

My crankiness was replaced by peace. I was reminded of how lucky I was to be in that place at that moment. Touched by the sunrise and a sense of purpose, I got up and started my day.

A day filled with thoughts about Africa and friends crossing the finish line. Not a bad thing, at all.

5. 5. 4:13.

2010-04-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

No these are not my ATM code or the combination for my lock at the gym. Not a credit card or other account number. Nope. These are the number of full-body push-ups and unanchored sit ups I can do, along with my time running 400 metres. Ouch.

I'm ten times slower than the fastest man alive. According to the Presidential Fitness Test, I'm about as fit as a seven-year old. Though, I can tell you, after Day 1 of a Fitness Boot Camp, I feel about seventy. Once again, my body aches. My feet are swollen, my back is sore and my stomach just plain hurts.

Why am I doing this to myself again? I have to admit I was feeling pretty good about myself. After Bikini Bootcamp in January, I kept up the exercise, tried to limit my alcohol intake and went from a 12 to a 10 pretty quickly. I am also up to an hour on the bike, can make it thru a Zumba class without wanting to throw up, and am walking everywhere (8.2 miles on Sunday).

So, with my 41st birthday fast approaching, I thought it would be a good idea to take it up a notch. How hard could this be, right?

Wrong. Nowhere on the course description did it mention running. I'm not a runner, at all. No where did it mention doing push-ups face down into the mud. Ugh.

So why stick with it? Well, I'm not even sure they are going to let me stay in this class. About 40 or so people signed up for this bootcamp and I'm, by far, the least physically fit. Mostly it is made up of buff, fit, and competitive men. At this moment, I'm just waiting for them to email me and tell me they are refunding my money.

But if they don't, it's important to finish. Finishing things has been a major theme of the past seven months. I can't quit and just walk away, as much as I would love to.

It's also important to get fit. Somehow, from somewhere, 30 pounds of fat snuck up on me and attached itself to my ass. This isn't good. For so many reasons. If the end of the world came tomorrow, I would probably get eaten by the aliens or crushed by a falling building (since I wouldn't be able to run away fast enough). I'm also 41 and single, again.

As I said to a friend of my yesterday, "have you seen the competition?" DC is filled with fabulously smart, interesting, driven women. Many of who also happen to be young and fit. If I have any chance of meeting a man that is equally as smart, interesting and driven as I am, I better get my ass back on that treadmill every day.

It's depressing to think that after more than two decades of not caring what I look like and being more focused on having a healthy mind and wit than fitting into a certain size, I find myself thinking about food and exercise in the same way I did as a teenager. The calorie counts, the exercise, the feeling bad if something doesn't fit. It's all back.

The only positive is that this time, I do have much more confidence in my ability to change it. I don't get as easily discouraged. I have the money, the time, the friends, to make it all work.

So regardless of whether or not the trainers kick me out of the class, I'm in this to improve those numbers. I only want to be 5 or 6 times slower than the fastest man alive. I would like to be able to do more push-ups than a 17-year old and more sit ups than a 22 year-old. I would like to be able to outrun the aliens when they come.

March Update on Consume less. Save Some. Give More.

Many of you have asked, and thank you for that, about my pledge to live more frugally. In January I bought a cork board, in February a fantastic (yet ridiculously expensive) bag. In March, nothing. Now I bought groceries, shampoo, went to the dry cleaner and downloaded $46.98 worth of music and bought two books. But I didn't buy any shoes, handbags, dresses, shirts, furniture, knick knacks, or anything that I wanted. Part of it, I think, was the awful weather in March. Who wants to shop when it is cold and rainy and gross out. Not me. April will be harder. It is my birthday month and who doesn't need a new dress on their birthday? Then the J Crew and Anthropologie catalogs came. So many cute things. I also have a big conference and a need for resort wear, or so I think. So stay tuned. April is going to be a bitch.

Unfinished business is done

2010-03-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

(Rep.Kennedy left a note on his father's grave: "Dad, the unfinished business is done." Photo credit: John Dicker, via http://twitpic.com/1ah5jt)

No matter what you think about the health care bill, there is much to be admired in the work of the two generations of progressive activists that fought to get this done. There are numerous lessons to be learned from them. For me, it's always do what is right, even when it is hard, and never, ever give up.

Pretty simple lessons and ones that are at the center of the American dream. Yet so difficult. You have to withstand the name calling. You can't focus on the broken promises, the failed backroom deals, the losing campaigns. Instead you have to walk proudly through the opposition. You have to be prepared, armed with the facts. You also have to understand what people want and what they need, sometimes before they know it.

I'm still not sure that the majority of Americans want universal health care. It's hard to make your neighbor, who has health insurance, understand the plight of your other neighbor who does not. It's challenging to ask people to believe in the long-term benefits, instead of the short-term gain.

Many years ago, after I graduated from college and could no longer be on my mom's insurance, she told me that no matter what I had to have health insurance. In 1993, working on Democratic campaigns, this actually meant buying the cheapest policy imaginable (and hoping that if anything bad happened it happened while I was driving, my accident insurance was better than my health insurance).

After 1994, when Democrats woke up and realized that running on a health care platform while their campaign staffs went without insurance, managers and candidates started providing health insurance. It was never great, but it was something. Then, over the years, I've had amazing policies, lived under national health care (in Australia), bought my own policies from ehealthinsurance.com (instead of COBRA) and never been without. I could live without another pair of shoes or a fancy dinner out each month but I could not survive without health insurance. Again, sometimes it has been a sacrifice and, thankfully, I've never really "needed" it. There were times I didn't even want it. But I've always had it.

Not everyone is so lucky. There are more than 50 million Americans without health insurance. And until today, there were life-time caps on benefits, you could be denied coverage for pre-existing conditions, and there were few, if any, policies that covered preventative health care solutions. In DC thirty-one percent of District residents have not had a colorectal cancer screening, and 16 percent of women over 50 have not had a mammogram in the past two years.

It is these Americans that Sen. Ted Kennedy asked us to care about, over and over again. Through times of economic boom and bust. Through several wars. In times when there were so many other things that seemed so much more important, he continued to fight. He didn't have to; the Kennedy's are American royalty. Why dedicate so much of his life to something he already had? I can only imagine because he saw more than himself when he looked in the mirror each day. He saw not only the weight of a legacy but also the needs of a country.

It wasn't just him, either. So many other leaders stood with him, and, this week, for him. Today, when President Obama signed the health care bill he handed a pen to Vicki Kennedy. I was so sad and so happy at the same time.

What now though? The hard work isn't over yet. It means figuring out a way to engage a whole generation of young women who don't think twice having a choice but now may lose the option of a safe medical procedure, if they are under government health care. For those opposed to the bill, it means fighting with the same vigor to repeal portions of it, perhaps all of it. (I hope they don't succeed but I admire them for trying.)

For those who voted for the bill, who walked with Sen. Kennedy this weekend, it means explaining this vote over and over again and trying to convince Americans that they are better off today than they were yesterday.

This is all going to be hard. Maybe just as hard as passing the bill in the first place. Regardless of which side you're on though, the strategy is pretty clear: do what you think is right and never give up. If you do, the unfinished business can be done.

*In the interest of full disclosure, in 1986 when I traveled to DC as part of a Close Up trip, Sen. Kennedy told me my questions on defense spending were quite clever. Then in 2000, I worked at the DCCC when Rep. Patrick Kennedy was the co-chairman. I am forever a fan of both men.

What is success? Ask Bessie Stanley.

2010-03-10T14:52:00.000-08:00

A big question over the last few months for me has been, "what is success?". I spent so many years defining success in a very traditional, very Washington way. Meaning that it was about access, relevance and how many unopened emails I had on my blackberry.

There is nothing like being unemployed, even by conscious choice, to poke a big - huge - hole in that definition. The emails are no longer from tycoons or a royal house of whatever. They are updates from freecycle. Texts are no longer about an event, a flight schedule or teams deploying to disaster zones. They are typically about how late someone is going to be to meet me (since they are dealing with the latest humanitarian crisis.) Superficially, the concierge at the Four Seasons no longer recognizes me. The protection of the tycoon bubble no longer applies.

What is a girl to do?

When I was hiding out in Paris, it was easier. No one asked me what I did, or why I was there. It was Paris, after all. On the beach in Mexico, no one cared what I did or who I worked for. Most were just worried about whether I would survive the morning beach walk.

Being back in DC is different. Even my best friends are getting a little tired of listening to what I'm up to (breakfast, coffee, lunch, drink, dinner, repeat), how many movies I've seen or how many miles I've logged on the treadmill (20 yesterday). Most everyone expects me to do something, be someone. If not, they quickly lose interest and, in the rudest of cases, just get up and walk away.

This is not easy to take. The initial blows to the ego are hard and keep coming. What I've realized during this time (go ahead, prepare to smack your forehead and say 'duh) is that the only person who really matters in the conversation that starts with "and what do you do" is me. Really. I'm the only person that can define my success, my relevance.

It's not as easy as it sounds but it is true. It is surprising that it took me so long to figure it out. There are, literally, millions of articles, poems, blog entries, songs, etc. defining success and all focus on personal responsibility, looking inside yourself.

I'm me, though, and I need something to remind of me of this and to help keep me centered when everyone around me is pressuring me to get a job, find a husband, settle down, start a business (and the list goes on).

For that I now turn to the story of Bessie Stanley. Bessie Stanley entered a newspaper contest in 1905. Her poem won first prize, $250. Her entry was published again, again, and again. I'm sure her neighbors and her families thought she was very successful. Then, for years, her work fell out of fashion. In some cases, this world famous work was actually attributed to someone else. Greeting cards were printed, anthologies published, Starbucks has her poem on the side of a cup. Trick is/was that no one knew it was hers.

Many might be angered by this, bitter that their success was claimed by someone else, or sad that they were lost in the conversation. Not Bessie. By all accounts, including a lovely email exchange, Bessie and her family, loved that the poem was out there. Yes, they often tried to reclaim credit of it for her. But she was never bitter. The poem had helped pay her mortgage and she was proud of it. But she never let it consume her.

I love this. Bessie found her success in a happy, loving family. She was comfortable knowing she had written a great poem, in sharing her wisdom, but she simply lived her life in the best way she could.

There are so many different ways this could have gone. Lawsuits, bitter public battles, could have ensued. Nope. Just a quiet confidence in her work and her life. I hope that one day I can look back on my own life and define my own success so simply.

---------

Oh, what's the poem you ask? I'm sure you'll recognize it even though the original version differs from other versions I have seen.

"He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction."

Inspiring People, Places and Things - Oh, my!

2010-03-01T18:28:00.000-08:00

A few people, places and things that are inspiring me right now:

Abby Sunderland. She's a 16-year old young woman making a solo attempt to circumnavigate the globe in sailboat. Her brother did it at 17. Currently she's about a month into a six-month (and maybe more) journey. She's on her own with only a wind powered lap top to keep her company. She claims to only be scared of pirates! When I was sixteen I was so insecure, completely terrified of failing, of not being skinny enough, of boys not liking me and my friends abandoning me that pirates probably would have been a welcome distraction. So I am in awe of her passion, her confidence and her focus. I will be cheering for her, hoping she makes it the whole way around.
Thalassa Cruso. I had no idea who Thalassa Cruso was three days ago. I presume I saw her PBS show at some point growing up but I don't remember it. I found this quote doing research for a post on the challenges of the next few months - "March is a month of considerable frustration - it is so near spring and yet across a great deal of the country the weather is still so violent and changeable that outdoor activity in our gardens seems light years away." - and I was struck by how it captured my mood, my feelings. So I started Googling her and what I found out about the "Julia Child of horticulture" was inspiring. Especially in a world that moves too quickly. TIME magazine wrote: "There is nothing highhanded about Thalassa, a 59-year-old British-born grandmother who finds "relief from the everyday pressures of life by working among living things which refuse to be hurried."
Fes (Morocco). It is hard to believe that it has been over two years since I was in Fes. I spent four days there after a nine-day trip to Mali to visit a massive childhood immunization campaign. The Mali leg of the trip was grueling for so many reasons and when I arrived in Fes it was late, I was dirty, and I had no way of finding my hotel. Yet, as often happens, the universe took care me and I ended up drinking piping hot Moroccan mint tea in a fantastic riad. The next few days were spent wandering this wonderful city, thinking about my life and ways to start clearing out the toxic relationships and feelings that were holding me back. The last couple of weeks have been hard and I've been thinking about many of the same things. How to deal with a toxic friendship; how to embrace success; how to not beat myself up too badly when I don't make time for the gym. All of those things were staring to weigh on me when randomly, through the power of the iPod, I was taken back to Fes by U2 ("Lights flash past/Like memories/A speeding head, a speeding heart/I’m being born, a bleeding start/The engines roar, blood-curdling wail/Head first, then foot/Then heart sets sail") and things started to feel a little better.
Prada, glorious Prada. I love fashion. Love it. And nothing gets me going more than Prada collections. Miuccia Prada a genius. She designs for the woman I want to be - strong, sexy, confident, and an unapologetic geek for recipes, antiques and books. (The clothes of a hot librarian someone once called them.) I have always, always wanted the lipstick print skirt that came out before I could afford anything more than Prada shoes on sale at DSW. I thought if I could afford that skirt I would be happy. The same is even more true with her Fall 2010-2011 collection. Rarely have I seen clothes that scream OWN ME in a way these do. So I've printed out the pictures, circled one particular dress, and I am posting copies around my house, in my calendar and on my computer. All motivation to return to the gym and keep to my one thing a month diet.

Saks 1, Happiness Maybe (Ok, more than maybe)

2010-02-18T07:01:00.000-08:00

I don't really know what came over me, honestly. Maybe it was being with two of my best girl friends and having more fun together than we had in a long time. Maybe I was itchy and bored from being stuck inside for much of the last two weeks (54 inches of snow will do that). It was probably some combination of both. That and the fact that it was one of the most beautiful bags I had seen in a long time. Who isn't a sucker for the color orange? Or for a bag that so very much captures your personality and fits a laptop, gym clothes, a calendar, makeup, car keys, etc.?

Whatever it was though I walked into Saks to buy some face powder and walked out with a Balenciaga bag. My friends loved it. The saleslady was laughing (and not just because of her commission). The snow had stopped. I felt great.

Yet when I got it home and took it out of the Saks bag, I was struck by feelings of guilt. That somehow giving into my material desires was a sign that something was wrong with me. Seriously, if there is any regular girl who doesn't need another a bag, it's probably me. Buying something to help me feel better? That wasn't the whole idea of this year of choices, this time of rethinking priorities, looking for happiness. I was supposed to be stronger than this, one day at Saks wasn't supposed to end like this?

Or was it? I wanted it. I can (nominally) afford it. It counts as my one thing for February. I actually I don't have something that fits all of my stuff and can still go to a work meeting. And it's so very, very pretty.

This was the conversation I had with myself for about an hour. Then I just stopped. I decided that I had done nothing wrong. Didn't violate any of my own rules. So, I put everything into the bag, my phone and metro card in the front pocket, and the next morning walked out the door.

On 14th Street, walking from the gym to the Caribou coffee and on my way to back-to-back meetings, a woman passed me. She looked at the bag and said, "nice". I couldn't agree more.

Hello, February! (Oh, and the list of Oscar nominations, too.)

2010-02-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

I have fallen behind on my blog posts this month. Mostly though it is because there isn't too much to tell, at the moment. My life is currently an endless swirl of coffees, lunches, dinners, drinks, laundry, gym, sleep, follow-up, repeat, again and again.

Such is the schedule required of me as I re-enter the real world. (As one friend put it, "Hey, hippie, get a job." So the networking begins.

This schedule, while not stressful in the traditional sense, has its moments of tension and insecurity. Handwritten thank you notes? Check. Dress shoes in workout bag for post-swim meeting? Check. Remembering his name was Scott, not Seth? Not so lucky on that one. Don't even get me started on the rambling explanation of Web 3.0 or the typo on the PowerPoint (communication stools, not tools). Thank goodness it was still in draft form and no one but a good friend had seen it yet.

Then there is the eating. The constant string of meals is exhausting. So many salads, so few french fries. May sound silly but there is a certain amount of stress and pressure involved with trying to eat only things that are good for you and not things you actually like.

So while my life is uneventful, it is filled with things that normally would have sent me straight to the latest mall for a shoe fix. I would have bought something, anything, to make me feel better about the fact that a potential client has yet to call me back (you said Monday, right?) or that I only did 45 minutes at the gym or that the cute guy who bought me a drink has yet to email (you said you would, right?).

I haven't though. I haven't even set foot in a mall or a retail clothing store in 30 days. I've done plenty of online window shopping, I've even put some things in my "cart" but I haven't moved to "check-out" and I haven't "completed a purchase".

Maybe I should be congratulating myself for making it this far? There were certainly enough people that didn't think I would make it three days, let alone 30. Yet, it has seemed fairly easy. Maybe it was the retail hangover from Christmas that made it so easy. Maybe it was the fact that the potential clients (did I mention they said they would call on Monday) haven't signed on the dotted line.

Probably it was some combination of both but I doubt that it will be this easy moving forward. Eleven months is a long-time; I have a birthday in that time. At some point, I will sign new clients. It will be Spring soon enough. Each of those things will tempt me, taunt me.

Until then, though, I'm going to relish that my only purchase in January (aside from groceries, gas, coffee, meals, that is) was that frickin' cork board that I never got around to taking back. Who knows, maybe it will turn out to be the favorite of my 12 Things? I doubt it but maybe?

****Oh, and since today is Oscar nomination day, here's the list of nominees. I'm very, very excited about nominations for District 9, Hurt Locker and Up. These were my favorite movies of the year.

The 82nd Annual Oscar Nominations

By THE NEW YORK TIMES

The 82nd Annual Oscar Nominations
Best Picture
“Avatar”
“The Blind Side”
“District 9″
“An Education”
“The Hurt Locker”
“Inglourious Basterds”
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
“A Serious Man”
“Up”
“Up in the Air”

Best Direction
“Avatar” — James Cameron
“The Hurt Locker” — Kathryn Bigelow
“Inglourious Basterds” — Quentin Tarantino
“Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” — Lee Daniels
“Up in the Air” — Jason Reitman

Actor in a Leading Role
Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
George Clooney in “Up in the Air”
Colin Firth in “A Single Man”
Morgan Freeman in “Invictus”
Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”

Actress in a Leading Role
Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
Helen Mirren in “The Last Station”
Carey Mulligan in “An Education”
Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”

Actor in a Supporting Role
Matt Damon in “Invictus”
Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”
Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station”
Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones”
Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds”

Actress in a Supporting Role
Penélope Cruz in “Nine”
Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air”
Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air”
Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”

Animated Feature Film
“Coraline”
“Fantastic Mr. Fox”
“The Princess and the Frog”
“The Secret of Kells”
“Up”

Art Direction
“Avatar” — Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg; Set Decoration: Kim Sinclair
“The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” — Art Direction: Dave Warren and Anastasia Masaro; Set Decoration: Caroline Smith
“Nine” — Art Direction: John Myhre; Set Decoration: Gordon Sim
“Sherlock Holmes” — Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
“The Young Victoria” — Art Direction: Patrice Vermette; Set Decoration: Maggie Gray

Cinematography
“Avatar” — Mauro Fiore
“Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” — Bruno Delbonnel
“The Hurt Locker” — Barry Ackroyd
“Inglourious Basterds” — Robert Richardson
“The White Ribbon” — Christian Berger

Costume Design
“Bright Star” — Janet Patterson
“Coco before Chanel” — Catherine Leterrier
“The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” — Monique Prudhomme
“Nine” — Colleen Atwood
“The Young Victoria” — Sandy Powell

Documentary (Feature)
“Burma VJ”
“The Cove”
“Food, Inc.”
“The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers”
“Which Way Home”

Documentary (Short Subject)
“China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province”
“The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner”
“The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant”
“Music by Prudence”
“Rabbit à la Berlin”

Film Editing
* “Avatar” Stephen Rivkin, John Refoua and James Cameron
* “District 9” Julian Clarke
* “The Hurt Locker” Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
* “Inglourious Basterds” Sally Menke
* “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Joe Klotz

Foreign Language Film
* “Ajami” Israel
* “El Secreto de Sus Ojos” Argentina
* “The Milk of Sorrow” Peru
* “Un Prophète” France
* “The White Ribbon” Germany

Makeup
* “Il Divo” Aldo Signoretti and Vittorio Sodano
* “Star Trek” Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow
* “The Young Victoria” Jon Henry Gordon and Jenny Shircore

Music (Original Score)
* “Avatar” James Horner
* “Fantastic Mr. Fox” Alexandre Desplat
* “The Hurt Locker” Marco Beltrami and Buck Sanders
* “Sherlock Holmes” Hans Zimmer
* “Up” Michael Giacchino

Music (Original Song)
* “Almost There” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
* “Down in New Orleans” from “The Princess and the Frog” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman
* “Loin de Paname” from “Paris 36” Music by Reinhardt Wagner Lyric by Frank Thomas
* “Take It All” from “Nine” Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston
* “The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)” from “Crazy Heart” Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Short Film (Animated)
* “French Roast” Fabrice O. Joubert
* “Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty” Nicky Phelan and Darragh O’Connell
* “The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)” Javier Recio Gracia
* “Logorama” Nicolas Schmerkin
* “A Matter of Loaf and Death” Nick Park

Short Film (Live Action)
* “The Door” Juanita Wilson and James Flynn
* “Instead of Abracadabra” Patrik Eklund and Mathias Fjellström
* “Kavi” Gregg Helvey
* “Miracle Fish” Luke Doolan and Drew Bailey
* “The New Tenants” Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson

Sound Editing
* “Avatar” Christopher Boyes and Gwendolyn Yates Whittle
* “The Hurt Locker” Paul N.J. Ottosson
* “Inglourious Basterds” Wylie Stateman
* “Star Trek” Mark Stoeckinger and Alan Rankin
* “Up” Michael Silvers and Tom Myers

Sound Mixing
* “Avatar” Christopher Boyes, Gary Summers, Andy Nelson and Tony Johnson
* “The Hurt Locker” Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett
* “Inglourious Basterds” Michael Minkler, Tony Lamberti and Mark Ulano
* “Star Trek” Anna Behlmer, Andy Nelson and Peter J. Devlin
* “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers and Geoffrey Patterson

Visual Effects
* “Avatar” Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
* “District 9” Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken
* “Star Trek” Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh and Burt Dalton

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
* “District 9” Written by Neill Blomkamp and Terri Tatchell
* “An Education” Screenplay by Nick Hornby
* “In the Loop” Screenplay by Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
* “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher
* “Up in the Air” Screenplay by Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner

Writing (Original Screenplay)
* “The Hurt Locker” Written by Mark Boal
* “Inglourious Basterds” Written by Quentin Tarantino
* “The Messenger” Written by Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
* “A Serious Man” Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
* “Up” Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter, Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy

Bootcamp 1, Diet Coke 0

2010-01-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

Bootcamp kicked my ass. Literally. I have a broken toe. One foot is covered in the type of blisters that only a med student could love. My arms (and legs and butt) still hurt three days later. It wasn't "fun"; someone told me I was mean; and I have no idea how to fit what I learned into my real life. A life that doesn't include five hours of workouts a day, a personal trainer, or a personal chef.

Instead my life is filled with coffees, lunches and dinners as I try to figure out what I'm going to do next to pay the rent. My life is filled with people (whom I love) that would rather dissect the election results in Massachusetts or plan fundraisers for Haiti. (Again, I love these people but they aren't exactly work out junkies.)

Plus, I'm kinda' lazy. I love the early morning West Wing marathon more than walking in the rain. No job means spending a few grand on a fancy gym isn't in my best fiscal interests. So this is going to be harder than I thought.

So far, I would give myself a solid C (not a B-plus) in keeping it going. Hot Yoga on Monday, no Diet Cokes (since the two at the airport), no potato chips, french fries or movie popcorn. Also, in keeping with my no shopping pledge, I haven't substituted shoes for food.

Yet.

Bikini what?

2010-01-12T13:55:00.000-08:00

There is nothing more ridiculous than Bikini Bootcamp. Unless you're at Bikini Bootcamp.

A seven-day, intense fitness camp on the beaches of Tulum (Mexico) has one of the worst names of any fitness camp I've heard of; most of the women I'm here with told their friends they were going to "fat camp" or on a "yoga retreat." None told them they were going to Bikini Bootcamp. The name generates snickers and sneers from the drivers meeting other passengers at the Cancun airport who stare at the man with the giant red sign welcoming you to Mexico.

Even the woman who recommended it to me wouldn't tell me what it was called. She sent me a link instead. And that is what sold me. The week outlined was just what I thought I was looking for: seven days of yoga, circuit training, healthy eating, massages, a beach and, if I really wanted it, a $9 margarita.

I'm not the fitness type. Really. It was just time to do something. Since giving up my personal trainer in 2005, and not finding anytime in my schedule for yoga, I have watched my muscles weaken and my ass grow. And grow. I knew it was happening. The muffin tops appeared above my jeans so I switched to dresses. I love cream, butter, bread, wine, cheese, and pork belly. I make homemade ice cream and cake. I lick the bowl. There are consequences for this type of behavior. I shoved the scale under the sink. No witnesses, no crime.

I tried not to really care. Why should I? Really. Men told me I was fetching. Girlfriends admired my sense of style. My mother, well, she didn't say anything. I should have listened to those words more closely, that silence more. But as work grew increasingly demanding, as life's tragedies (some little, some not so little) piled up, so did my weight.

So, in addition to my 12 things consumption diet, I'm also looking for ways to get back in touch with my body. I will never, ever be a size 7 again (mostly, because they don't make them anymore) but I would like to be an 8 or a 10, and not a consistent 12. I would also like to take longer walks without feeling like I'm going to pass out or walk up the stairs at the Dupont Metro. These are all things I used to be able to do, with ease.

This is how I find myself at Bikini Bootcamp. Despite the crappy name, it was the right price, the right length, had the right attitude and, best of all, had a place for me just a few weeks after this epiphany occurred. So I'm here.

The question now is, will I survive?

Seriously. What was I thinking? This is already so much harder than I thought. I'm only on Day 2 and I can barely lift my arms above my head. Some might blame the years of eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it, I blame the punching sequence during circuit training. Ouch.

And the beach walks! I grew up on a beach. I know how to walk a beach. Leisurely. Playing in the surf. Throwing sticks with the dog. Not a forced four mile march down one end and up the other. Double ouch.

Trouble is, no one here yells at you. If you are last in the beach walk, the trainers just shake their head and laugh. If you put the five pound weight down, they turn and focus their attention on someone else. They aren't here to do this for you and they certainly aren't here to make you do anything you don't want to do. Huh? Didn't I pay all this money for someone to torture me? That's what boot camp is, right?

Not here. And while this form of training might be nirvana for some, it is a nightmare for me. I have always been my own worst enemy. I stick with things that shouldn't be stuck with - jobs, boyfriends, appliances - especially when there is drama and conflict involved. I tend to flee things that work - diets, jobs, boyfriends - because I tell myself that it is too easy, too comfortable. How can I be expected to make it thru a week where no one is forcing me to do anything? No yelling? No drama? No conflict? I'm in trouble now. This is not my strength.

(Especially, as I write this, an annoying couple not at the boot camp just sat down and ordered a mango daiquiri with chips and salsa. Trust me there were plenty of other seats in this near-empty cafe. They are doing this to taunt me. I don't know them but I do know this. I want that daiquiri. Right now I would probably hit this woman for her chips; you can only eat so much jicama.)

Yet, today, I found myself loving the torture. I'm not sure when my mind snapped into place. Maybe it was realizing that I used to do all of these things (walking, yoga, weights) regularly. Maybe it was recognizing that the 46-year old accountant from Dewey Beach was kicking my ass on the circuit (as was her 50 year old best friend). I don't know and I don't really care. All I do know is that I'm actually looking forward to learning Zoomba, to going to yoga and tomorrow morning's march along the beach.

Maybe it is the sun talking. Or maybe it is the dream of putting back on a particularly spectacular pair of leather pants that I got on sale at an outlet store in 2000. But, despite the ridiculous name, this bootcamp is just the place for me.

I may even buy a t-shirt.

Martha Made Me Do It (The tale of the cork board and mascara.)

2010-01-04T19:13:00.000-08:00

Four days into this whole 12 things experiment and I'm finding it much (much) harder than I thought not to shop or buy things that I really don't need. Everywhere I turn there is something or someone screaming at me to buy, buy, buy.

I open my inbox in the morning and there are messages from some of my "best friends" - Gilt, JCrew, DailyCandy, Saks - encouraging me to take advantage of special offers, free shipping, priority shopping. Delete, delete, delete. Then I go on Facebook and Twitter. Same thing. What feels like hundreds of messages, all tailored for me, urging me to buy.

Retreating from my computer, I consult my To Do List, realize I'm out of toilet paper, and head off for a day of errands. Wandering around the CVS (why is every store laid out differently!), I pick up a new mascara; my current brand leaves smudges. Next SuperGlue; I need to repair a ceramic pitcher. Finally, a cork board; I'm trying to set up a home office and that will help me get more organized.

As I'm walking up and down each aisle, I think. Do I really need new mascara? Will this make me prettier? Won't it make my lashes longer? My face more appealing? It will help me get a date in 2010, right? The cork board will make me more organized. I will pay my bills on time; I will write my novel. I know I will, really.

The conversation is almost deafening. Now I know why gamblers shouldn't go to Vegas. Why alcoholics shouldn't be in bars. I can't even make it four days without giving into the pressure to purchase some ideal version of myself!

Stop it! This is what I say to myself. (Thankfully, I was using my inside-my-own-head voice and not actually talking out loud or I would probably be in jail.) Slowly, I put the mascara down. Scared to go back to the cosmetic aisle I leave it by the light bulbs. Terrified it will jump into my basket, I actually back away from it.

I decide the Super Glue is a necessity; it is my grandmother's china, after all. The cork board makes it home. Martha Stewart made me do that. I need an inspiration board is what I heard her say to me. But I haven't taken it out of the bag and I'm taking it back tomorrow.

I don't need it and when have I ever listened to Martha, really?

Actually useful advice and information

In just a few short hours after posting about my 12 Things idea, I received emails from friends with at least a dozen articles about financial fasts, happiness plans or suggestions on mapping a new life. Here are a couple that are interesting.

Michelle Singletary's 21-day financial fast. While this is more extreme than what I'm doing, I love the community aspect of her program that is literally a fast. No unnecessary purchases, no window shopping, no gifts for other people and no restaurant meals or snacks. I'm not sure I could ever follow the whole plan but I applaud those who are.

Not Buying It. I find the freegan movement a little wacky but I'm very interested to read several of the memoirs written by folks that gave up shopping for a year (who knew there were several!). First up is Judith Levine's "Not Buying It: A Year Without Shopping". Publisher's Weekly thought it was interesting; I'll let you know.

Happiness Project. First it was a blog, then a book, now it is a movement and I'm sure it will be a movie (someday). I like the fact that Slate and Woman's Day have adopted it, are encouraging people to sign the petition, and laid it out month-by-month.

Consume less. Save some. Give more.

2009-12-30T19:32:00.000-08:00

Consume less. Save some. Give more. This is my mantra for 2010. My very own happiness project.

Consume less. The basic rules are out for this in my 12 Things post. Pretty straightforward- buy less stuff.

Save some. This, too, is pretty simple. I'm a 40 year old, single woman. I need to save more. I don't have a spouse, partner or live-in-boyfriend to share expenses with; I don't have any kids that will grow up to take care of me; I am pretty much on my own. So limiting what I spend and saving money is just common sense. That said, this is the first time in my life that I've actually paid any attention to this advice; so, we'll see how we go.

Give more. This is the hard one. Not only do I mean "donating" when I use give but I also want to give more of myself this coming year, and the years ahead. Dedicate more time to my friendships, my family. Give more of myself to work that is meaningful, making an impact. This is the one that is a true recalibration of life; this is the one that will force me to look not only at myself but at the world I've built around me. And, hopefully, lead me to the next stage, the next adventure.

As hard as this feels at the moment (oh, the pleasure I took in ordering one last item online), I know that it possible to kick-start one's life at 20, 30, 40 or, even 80. A few years ago, I met an amazing woman who didn't go back to finish her undergraduate degree until all of her children were adults. She was over 40, got her BA, then a Masters, then a law degree, and, until she retired a few years ago, was the Chancellor of a major university. Talk about second acts!

The same is true of one of my favorite poets, Marie Ponsot. She published her first book of poetry in the 1950s but then did not publish again for 30 years and only starting winning awards in the late 1990s (including a National Book Award).

Each time I learn about women like this (and men, too), I realize that second and third acts in life aren't impossible. You only need the courage to try something different, challenge oneself. It won't be easy but it certainly won't be boring.

12 Things (an experiment in living)

2009-12-27T17:54:00.000-08:00

Do you have a hobby? It's a simple question. And it was asked by a casual acquaintance, in the most innocent tone, as just a way for her to get to know me a little better. But it is this seemingly easy question that has spawned a serious bout of introspection and has left me grappling with both my own opinion of myself and the way others perceive me.

Do you have a hobby? I stammered through an answer that essentially consisted of, "well, I don't really have the time, I'm always working, I was never really good at anything, I don't know, what's your hobby." As she launched into explaining a new technique she was learning for watercolors, I kept thinking about what she was asking me and what it said about me that I didn't have one. When I relayed the conversation a few days later, at lunch with one of my best friends, he said, "Well, maybe your hobby is being a consumer? You love to shop. And you're good at it."

Slightly stunned by this comment, I tried to laugh it off. But as I asked more and more people about both exchanges, it became clear to me that one of my defining characteristics is my knack for shopping. One friend said to me, "It's just who you are. Cool bag. Cool shoes. Jewelry with a story. I know you're always going to know where to find something or what to wear."

I know I should take this as a compliment. And it is a big one. While I will never make DC's Ten Best Dressed List, I have carved out a niche among my friends for being the slightly daring one. Target dress, Prada shoes, grandmother's jewelry. Or LA consignment store t-shirt, outlet leather pants, sweater from Paris. And I do love to shop.

I love a day spent walking around New York City or San Francisco or DC with my best girl friends looking at (and buying) lovely things. I treasure memories of Christmas Eve shopping at the outdoor outlet malls in Florida with my family, everyone spread out to buy for our Secret Santas and then reconvening for an ice cream before heading back home. The hustle and bustle of a bazaar in Fez, Istanbul or the Parisian flea markets are reminders of a time when there wasn't a Starbucks on every corner or a GAP for every size or gender. Each outfit I build is a series of memories and moments.

But is that all I am? There is more to me than just the stuff in my closet. Yet, somehow, I'm not quite sure that people, even my closet friends, can sometimes see past it. For the record, the person I am isn't a bad person. I have a successful career, I own my own home, I have a life filled with friends and family. I volunteer, contribute money to charity and serve on the board of one of the best non-profits in the country. There is nothing wrong with my life but there is something missing. And I'm even confused about how much being a talented consumer can make up for other things I don't have in my life, things that can't be bought.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have thought about this, a lot, since I returned from Paris. Combined with the other conversations going on in my head about life, love, career, etc., this idea that somehow shopping has become a crutch has really taken hold. But what does all this mean?

Where am I going with all of this? At 40 years old, it's pretty hard to change who I am.

So I've decided, given the tradition of New Year's resolutions, to make a pretty big one. I'm going to curb my shopping habit and take the time, energy and money that I dedicate to it each year and refocus it all on something else. Instead of shopping, I'm going to spend the year looking at ways to improve my life. To rebuild friendships. To explore the relationship that we all have with shopping and how it can be used to temporary fill life's holes.

If there was any doubt in my mind about this idea, I pushed it aside after floating it with my family and some close friends. Without exception, my ability to do this was met with such skepticism that it was (unintentionally) hurtful. My aunt had the most reasoned opinion. While she too was skeptical that it would work, she at least appreciated the idea that maybe the shopping persona was getting in the way of people seeing the "real" me. But pretty much everyone else laughed and the conservations almost immediately turned to the rules, the exceptions, and side bets on how long this whole thing (this "folly" as one person said) will last.

Again, it's a little hurtful that people don't think I can do this but in answering all those questions I have figured out how this will work.

What's Out. New "stuff". This is a probably defined category but I can tell you that it includes clothes, shoes, accessories, jewelry, linens, appliances, electronics, furniture, car accessories, etc. I have 52 pairs of shoes, more handbags than I care to admit, a dress for nearly everyday of the month, a television, a stereo, two cheese graters, an ice cream maker, lamps, sofa, chairs, and so much more. I may "want" more stuff -especially on days when I'm feeling down or caught up in the "keeping-up-shopping" with friends or even when I'm just board- but I definitely don't "need" anything else.

What's In. I know myself well enough to know that I can't give up books or cds or iTunes. Words and music are an even bigger part of who I am than my 5-year old Marc Jacobs Stella bag. And while they may be "stuff" books and cds are in. So is moisturizer, toothpaste, conditioner, cosmetics, an if-needed new pair of tights or other things to keep me clean and well groomed. Food is also in, including restaurants and coffee shops. This isn't an experiment in ecoliving or being the no impact (wo)man. It is more a meditation on exactly what we need to help make us feel whole. I'm sure these "exemptions" will ruffle some feathers but ...

Safety valve. I'm not an idiot; I may, over the course of 365 days need an escape. I may find myself in a foreign country and want something to remind me of the trip. I may end up an estate sale or fantastic flea market or even on a business trip where I need a sweater because the temperature unexpectedly went from 85 to 45. I'm allowed, but don't have to buy, twelve "things" over the next year- but only 12 - from the What's Out category.

The donation. When I took a look at my end-of-year-statement from AMEX for 2007, 2008 and 2009, I realized just how much my "hobby" has cost me over the years and it was shocking. I felt like Carrie Bradshaw in that episode of Sex and City where she tries to get a mortgage and realizes her shoe collection totals what she needs for a down payment on the condo. So I'm going to take the money I "save" (the average of what I have spent over the last three years) and sock half away in my savings account and give the other half to charity (specifically RAINN). Both donations will be considerable, trust me.

The blog. To keep myself honest, and because I was looking for something to do with this space post-Paris, I'm going to keep blogging here at Table 81 about the search for happiness, fulfillment and a "new" life. Moving forward my posts will focus on this experiment and what it means to me (and maybe others).

So there it is. It's pretty simple, in theory. I'm sure it will be harder than I think. I am so conditioned to just buying what I want, when I want it, that I'm sure there will be moments where I have to put something down and walk away from the register. I'm sure there will be funny moments and, probably, some sad stories. But I'm sure it will be worth it, on so many levels.

When preparing for re-entry ...

2009-12-16T08:57:00.000-08:00

How much should you reduce your velocity by so that you don't either bounce or burn up?

I came across this question on a site for gamers (which is probably the subject of a whole other set of posts) but it seemed to perfectly sum up my thought process at this moment, two solid weeks after coming back from Paris and as the holidays kick in. How best to figure out what is next in life? In work? In love? And how to do it all without completely burning out. After all there are only so many discussions I can have about my future before even I will get sick of listening to me.

It may come across as ungrateful to whine about too many coffees or lunches or parties or dinners. After all, I'm incredibly blessed to have friends and family that are supportive of this journey. I'm also smart enough to have planned well enough that I can choose my next job carefully. So why the angst?

Part of it has to do with being back in DC. This town has been my home for over 15 years. My friends are here, my professional networks, and, as a political junkie, it is THE place to live. There is no other place - except maybe Hollywood - where people are so defined by what they do, their politics, and their passions. It is exactly those qualities that make it such a special place.

It is also why it is a living hell to be in when unemployed, underemployed, or on a sabbatical. The first question anyone (and I do mean anyone) asks is, what do you do? A slight variation, in my case, is what are you doing now? Without a social acceptable answer to that question one quickly discovers they are irrelevant. People turn to others at the table and start talking to them. One person simply walked away from me at a party when I said I had left my job in October and was taking six months off. Just looked at me funny and said, oh, I see a friend. Nice talking to you. It is easy to quickly feel out of place, unimportant.

What to do about it? I still haven't figured that one out yet.

Flee to another country? Check. In January, I'm headed to Tulum for eight days.
Avoid DC social scene? Mostly check. Since being back, I've restricted myself to hanging out with good friends. Many of these relationships were neglected over the last year as I traveled around and worked too much. With the exception of a few parties, I've avoided situations where I have to answer the dreaded question.
Baking? Cooking? Check, check. I've hosted a brunch, made caramels, am hosting Christmas Eve dinner, and baking cookies for gifts.
Reading? Journaling? Also, check. I have read 30 books (including everything I read in Paris, self-help books and travel guides), written a fair bit and am just starting the new Stephen King novel.

What's missing? Despite all of these fabulous things, I'm still a little lost. Still not quite sure how to answer THE question. How to become "relevant" again in city that is built on access, reputation and employment status. This will take more than one blog post, one self-help book, one silent retreat. It has now become part of the quest for happiness.

One easy thing to do, to help, has been to create a virtual inspiration board (i.e. lots of stickies and photos on my desktop) to help inspire me. Among the quotes I am finding helpful at the moment are:

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. ~Foster C. McClellan

"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest. ~Maya Angelou

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain

"Education is the power to think clearly, the power to act well in the world's work, and the power to appreciate life." ~Brigham Young

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in making new landscapes but in seeing existing landscapes with new eyes. "~Marcel Proust

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined. " ~Henry David Thoreau

"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true." ~Woodrow Wilson

"Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." ~Dr. Dale E. Turner

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. "~Eleanor Roosevelt

Just the Holiday Mix

2009-12-10T15:57:00.001-08:00

Folks have asked for the links to songs or an easy way to buy them so I figured out a way to publish them to iTunes. Here is the link to the first batch of songs. I'll keep updating it as iTunes approves/releases the songs.

Joy & Peace (and the playlist)

2009-12-08T06:02:00.000-08:00

Last Christmas, which I spent with my mom in Nice, I brought along a Christmas play list that clearly reflected my taste and not hers (or my aunt and uncle’s). The moaning heard at Fairytale of New York (The Pogues) and Pretty Paper (Roy Orbison) was loud and they all kept asking, “don’t you have anything more uplifting?”. I just laughed and ignored them. My iPod, my playlist.

Looking back, my holiday play list was probably a more accurate picture of mood than I thought. Last year was the first Christmas we celebrated without my Grandmother. And, as nice as the South of France is, it was just my mom, my aunt and uncle, and me. I may be an only child but Christmas to me has always meant a chaotic family visit similar to Home for the Holidays. I missed the noise, the drama, the love of all of my crazy family.

I was also very, very unhappy in my job. The internal politics were wearing on me; the responsibility of mentoring and guiding a young staff (that was under tremendous pressure) was exhausting; and while I was excited about a new relationship, I was worried about how we would make it (London-DC, 40 and 47, damaged and damaged)work.

The songs that soothed me, however, grated on our little group so I found some Celtic music, combined it with some Miles Davis, added the few poppy Christmas songs I had and created a new play list, a new mood. The grumbling stopped and we resumed an otherwise idyllic holiday with yummy dinners, Christmas Eve mass and long walks along the seawall.

This year, I’m feeling much more in the holiday spirit. Who wouldn’t? My mom, her new husband, and her aunt and uncle are all coming to DC. I’ve left my job and started a life-changing sabbatical. Did I mention the five and a half weeks in Paris? I’m also reconnecting with friends and trying to figure out how to rebuild relationships with my family and even my own relationship with myself.

This year, we are two families. One in DC (including several cousins, their kids and another aunt and uncle) and one in Florida (two brothers, more cousins) but I think we’re starting to figure out how to become one again. While my year-long relationship with M is over, it was a fabulous year (Chicago, Paris, Istanbul, DC, London) and has given me a confidence and certainty about what it is I want the next time around.

But I realized I needed help, a lot of help, to build a soundtrack that could help me capture my emerging personal peace, as well as the holiday spirit present in the friends and family (near and far) that will be here for Christmas. So I did what any tech-savvy gal does and turned to Facebook. Thirty-one responses later, along with a dozen or so side emails and a few phone calls, and I now have a list of more than 100 holidays songs to choose from today. I still haven’t figured out the exact order, or even which songs will make the final cut, but this has been so much fun.

I’ve learned so much about my friends tastes; I will treasure the memories that were shared, along with the songs, and the more I have listened to these songs, the more I have revisited my own memories of the holidays. The good cheer that led to people loaning me their memories is not something I’m going to ruin by ranking the songs or even commenting on them. I will simply say, thank you. Thanks to everyone who contributed to this list, feel free to pass it along, and here’s hoping that it does for you what it did for me.

Oh, what was that? Simply, joy and peace.

The List

A couple of notes: I have included multiple versions of the same song. People like different versions and the ones here are the ones people sent me. Ninety-nine percent of these are available for download either at Amazon, iTunes, YouTube, etc. The majority of these are Christmas songs though a few contemporary, holiday songs are here. There is only one Chanukah Song, it’s the only one I know. There is a list, at the end, of traditional French carols, just because. If there is something missing, feel free to post it on Facebook or shoot me an email. Enjoy!

2000 miles Pretenders
A Fairytale of New York Pogues
A Holly Jolly Christmas Burl Ives
All I Want The Weepies
All I Want For Christmas Is You Olivia Olson and/or Mariah Carey
All We Need Is Love (Christmas In the Yard) The Big Yard Family & Shaggy
And the Angels Cried Allison Krauss and Alan Jackson
Another rock and roll christmas Gary Glitter
Ave Maria Stevie Wonder
Ave Maria Aretha Franklin
Away In a Manger Mannheim Steamroller
Away in the Manger Nat King Cole
Blue Christmas Elvis Presley
Children's Christmas Song The Supremes
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) U2
Christmas Collage Kathy Mattea
Christmas in Herald Square Tony Bennett
Christmas In Hollis Run-DMC
Christmas Is Coming Vince Guaraldi Trio
Christmas Waltz Peggy Lee
Christmas wrapping The Waitresses
Christmastime Is Here (Instrumental) Vince Guaraldi Trio
Christmastime Is Here (Vocal) Vince Guaraldi Trio
December George Winston
Deck the Halls Ottmar Liebert
Deck the Halls R.E.M.
Deck the Halls / Bring a Torch Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
Deck the Halls Nat King Cole
Do They Know It's Christmas? Band Aid
Do You Hear What I Hear? Whitney Houston
Don’t Forget to Feed the Reindeer Peggy Lee
Don't Save It All for Christmas Day Celine Dion
Feliz Navidad Jose Feliciano
Frosty the Snowman Jackson 5
Frosty the Snowman Fiona Apple
Für Elise Vince Guaraldi Trio
Gabriel's Message Sting
Give Love On Christmas Day Jackson 5
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen Barenaked Ladies
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer Elmo & Patsy
Greensleeves Vince Guaraldi Trio
Happy Xmas (War Is Over) John Lennon & Yoko Ono
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing Vince Guaraldi Trio
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Judy Garland
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Sarah McLachlan
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Pretenders
I believe in Father Christmas Greg Lake (Lake, Emerson, Powell)
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus Jackson 5
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus John Mellencamp
I want a hippopotamus for Christmas Gail Peavy
I Want to Come Home for Christmas Marvin Gaye
I Wish Everyday Could Be Like Christmas Bon Jovi
I’ll be home for Christmas Pat Boone
It's Christmas Time Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
It Came Upon A Midnight Clear Sixpence None the Richer
(It Must Have Been Ol') Santa Claus Harry Connick Jr.
Jingle Bell Rock Bobby Helms
Jingle Bells Diana Krall
Jingle Bells Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
Joy to the World The Supremes
Joy to the World Nat King Cole
Last Christmas (Single Version) Wham!
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow Dean Martin
Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow (Live) Michael Bublé
Let it Snow Aaron Neville
Linus & Lucy Vince Guaraldi Trio
Little Christmas Tree Michael Jackson
Little Drummer Boy / Peace On Earth Bing Crosby/David Bowie
Little Drummer Boy Celtic Women
Little Saint Nick The Beach Boys
Love On Layaway Gloria Estefan
Merry Christmas Baby Lou Rawls
Merry Christmas Darling (Remix) Carpenters
Merry Christmas Everyone Shakin' Stevens
mistletoe and wine Cliff Richard
My Christmas Tree The Temptations
My Favorite Things Diana Ross & The Supremes
My Little Drum Vince Guaraldi Trio
My Only Wish (This Year) Britney Spears
O Come All Ye Faithful Luther Vandross
O Come All Ye Faithful George Strait
O Little Town of Bethlehem Nat King Cole
O Tannenbaum Vince Guaraldi Trio
One Little Christmas Tree Stevie Wonder
Our Love Is Like a Holiday Michael Bolton
Pretty Paper Roy Orbison
River Joni Mitchell
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree Brenda Lee
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Gene Autry
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer The Temptations
Run Rudolph Run Bryan Adams
Santa Baby Eartha Kitt
Santa Baby Madonna
Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy Garth Brooks
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town Bruce Springsteen
Santa Claus Is Coming to Town Diana Ross, Jackson 5 & The Supremes
Silent Night Boyz II Men
Silent Night Stevie Nicks
Silent Night The Temptations
Silent Night Celtic Women
Silent Night Mahalia Jackson
Silent Night Sinead O’Connor
Silver Bells The Supremes
Skating Vince Guaraldi Trio
Sleigh Ride Ella Fitzgerald & Frank Devol Orchestra
Somebody at Christmas Jack Johnson
Someday At Christmas Stevie Wonder
Special Gift The Isley Brothers & Ronald Isley
step into christmas Elton John
Stuck at the Airport Money Mark
The Chanukah Song Adam Sandler
The Christmas Song Vince Guaraldi Trio
The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You) Jackson 5
The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You) Nat "King" Cole
The Coventry Carol Alison Moyet
The Happiest Christmas Nat King Cole
The Holidays Are Here (And We're Still At War) Brett Dennen
The Little Drummer Boy Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band
The Little Drummer Boy The Temptations
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year Andy Williams
There is No Place Like Home at the Holidays Perry Cuomo
This Christmas Joe Donny Hathaway
Twas the Night Before Christmas Aretha Franklin
Twelve days of christmas The Spinners
What Child Is This? Vince Guaraldi Trio
What Child is This? Joan Baez
What Christmas Means to Me Stevie Wonder
White Christmas Otis Redding
White Christmas The Supremes
White Christmas Mahalia Jackson
White Christmas (1947 Single Version) Bing Crosby
Winter Tori Amos
Winter Wonderland Eurythmics
Winter Wonderland Nat King Cole
Wish you a Merry Christmas Tim Davis
Wonderful Christmastime Paul McCartney
You Don't Have to Be Alone (On Christmas) N Sync

Also, traditional French carols/songs, I like:

D'un coeur joyeux, chantez!

Il est né le divin Enfant

Petite ville Bethléem

Entre le boeuf et l'âne gris

Joyeux Noël

O viens bientôt Emmanuel!

Minuit Chrétiens!

La marche des Rois

Les anges dans nos campagnes

Sainte nuit

Mon beau sapin

Un flambeau Jeannette Isabelle

Que chacun s'empresse

Noël nouvelet

Paris Wrap Up

2009-12-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

I have now been back in the US for a week. Days filled with cheeseburgers, catching up with old friends, unpacking, and, in general, just moving back into my real life. At each step, people ask "how was Paris?". Generally fabulous is what I say but when pressed for details it is so hard to explain how wonderful five weeks (plus some) is when you have nothing to do except eat, sleep, read, walk, go to galleries, and relax.

It is so rare for anyone to have this opportunity and there is a piece of me that wishes I had done more. But I'm not sure I could have done more (oh, of course, I could have gone to Versailles or taken a day trip to Bourgogne) but I also believe it gives me something to do when I return (again and again).

I will write more about my "re-entry" into Washington (and the next phases in my journey) soon but I also wanted to answer a series of questions that others have asked concerning how to plan their own trips to Paris and my recommendations. There are links throughout the older posts but here are my top 10 favorite things to do in Paris (along with some practical tips and websites at the end).

10. Walk along the Pont des Arts - at sunrise, at sunset, or anytime - with a favorite song on the iPod.

9. Have lunch at Comptoir du Relais (or a late night crepe next store) and treat yourself to les petits pots de crème.

8. Enjoy Kir Royals most anywhere in Paris but definitely at Cafe Marly looking out at the courtyard at the Louvre.

7. Go for the Champs-Élysées Christmas Fair (Marche Noel), for the lights alone.

6. Friday night, late night, at the Louvre. Especially the Napoleon Apartments.

5. Buy a slice of quiche from Stroher, heat it at home and read a good book as the rain falls outside. The smell of cheese and butter fill the apartment, yum. Add a lovely Trimbach Pinot Blanc 2002 - bliss.

4. Climb one, if not both, the Arc de Triomphe or the Eiffel Tower. The views are incredible. If open air experiences aren't your thing, try the views at Kong or Montparnesse Tower.

3. Petit Dejeuner at Angelina. Go early in the morning, especially if fresh off the plane, have the hot chocolate and the American-sized breakfast. Trust me.

2. Musee Rodin. Very few places are as beautiful, poignant, illuminating, and inspiring as the garden here. In the Spring or Summer, bring a book. You'll want to stay all day. In Autumn and Winter, you may not stay at long but you will be glad you came.

1. Wander. Wander. Wander. Paris wants you to explore it, really.

iPhone Apps

In addition to a currency converter, translator, Scrabble, NYT, Facebook and Twitter, I downloaded a dozen apps (probably a few more) specific to Paris. I found them thru National Geographic, Conde Nast Traveler and just plain ole Google searches. Also, a one stop shop for Apps (both both iPhone and BlackBerry) is Garland's Digest. With a page dedicated to Paris, it provides brief descriptions, pricing and a link to iTunes. Thanks to the apps I spent a little less time being lost, knew where to eat, could entertain myself late at night and was able to navigate the city without caring a stack of guide books. The ones I used most frequently were:

Paris Metro. Offline it is a great map of the Paris Metro; if you go online, you can plan travel, get traffic and construction updates and get information on bus routes.
OffMaps. Download maps of Paris that you can access offline
Free Wi-Fi. This will help you find free wi-fi (in Paris it's known as wee-fee) spots. For a iPhone user, this can save hundreds, if not thousands of dollars.
Musée du Louvre, Cluny and Le Grand Palais all have free apps to guide you thru the collections. Not as comprehensive as the audio guides; but, did I mention they were free?
Zagats. The Michelin guide provides GPS tracking which definitely came in handy one night when we were lost and didn't know where to eat. But the Zagats is a comprehensive guide that includes both US and international locations so its cost efficient. Also, I've always found the Zagats reviews more accessible than the Michelin guides.
Paris Travel Guide. I loved this app which breaks down information based on the arrondissements. Great for planning walks.

Travel Tips

A couple of things I did throughout my trip made it a little easier. These may not work for everyone but I recommend:

ATM cards instead of money changers. One of the first things that most people do when they get off the plane is change money at one of the booths in the airport. These days it is easier, and in many cases cheaper, to actually use an ATM machine. Confirm this with your own bank but instead of paying a fee and getting poor exchange rates, most banks have better rates and minimal conversion fees.
Paris Pratique. In addition to your guide books, invest in a Paris Pratique. This is a small book of maps, by arrondissement, that has a street-by-street guide and is incredibly useful in navigating Metro stops, small side streets and plotting routes around the city. You can buy it on Amazon before you go or you can pick one up at most stationary stores in Paris. The Pratique has a blue cover but some newstands carry a different brand with a red cover; it's just as good, really, but the Pratique is very Parisian.
RER to/from Charles DeGaulle. If you don't have a lot of luggage (or enjoy the workout), I highly recommend taking the RER into Paris from airport. It's a great way to start to learn the Metro system and is considerably cheaper (and in many cases quicker) than a taxi.
Learn a phrase or two. I went to Paris to learn the language. Admittedly, I failed miserably. But what I did learn was that a few phrases and attempts to speak French were (in most cases) greeted with smiles and encouragement.

Websites & Twitter folks I like

In addition to all the Apps listed above, I regularly consulted these websites for good humor, recipes, reviews, hints on what to do and theaters showing version orginale movies:

Hungry in Paris. Alexander Lobrano's blog which will make you hungry, hungry, hungry.
My Little Paris, insider guide to Paris. Similar to Daily Candy, this site is good for checking out "cool" Paris.
David Lebovitz. He's a pastry chef but his blog is an often hilarious take on finding your way in Paris.
Anglo Info. Need a date? A movie? Both and more can be found here.
An American Mom in Paris. A friend of a friend's hilarious take on being an American mom in Paris.
Little Brown Pen. Another fun take on Paris.

And "the Twitter"

@ParisBuFF. Runs a vacation rental place in Montmartre.
@AUPTweets. Official site of American University in Paris.
@ParisHideaways. Rental agency but also good tips.
@CoolStuffParis. Relatively new site that has links to stuff like funky art walks.
@David Lebovitz. His Twitter feed.

Hope all of this is helpful. Feel free to ping me or email me if you want more.

Paris!

2009-11-29T23:54:00.000-08:00

I will, over the coming days, write a couple of more comprehensive wrap up posts re: Paris. My plan is to recap some of the lessons learned on this trip, pull together all the links and sites I've been using, and "review" some of the sites, apps and other things that made this time so special.

Until then, as I sit in a cafe at Charles DeGaulle Airport, buying time until boarding, I thought I would just quickly recap the last five weeks. Forgive the stream of consciousness:

***Sunrise on the Eiffel Tower (as seen at Trocadero), Cafe Creme at Cafe Conti, late night visits to the Louvre, walking thru the Tuileries, a secret view from the 9th floor, Hidden Kitchen, Da Rosa, Comptoir, Thiam, Avant Comptoir, Boissoneirre, Laduree, Musee Rodin, Musee Picasso, Musee Victor Hugo, Pompidou, Orangerie, the Napoleon Apartments (when empty), the Water Lilies (when empty), Angelina, Dallyou, Pierre Herme, Stroher, Paule Caillet, David Lebovitz, American Library, Bar Sucre, Poilaine, running into A and P at Comptoir, meeting LA, J, and many others, Point Ephemere, Mike Snow, classical concerts at 18th century churches, failing French lessons, Valerie Beche (my poor instructor), getting to know B and J and little J, American Thanksgiving in Paris, on the hunt for the champagne bar at the Eiffel Tower, the cost of overweight luggage, walking along the Pont des Arts, Pont Neuf, getting lost - all the time - and loving it, dinners with P, spectacularly rude French waiters, spectacularly helpful Parisian residents, the quiet calm of doing nothing on some days except walking around the city, the joy of starting to figure out what makes you happy***

There is so much more to my trip, and like I said I will do a couple of other posts, and there are many things I didn't do, but all I can say is wow!

Grateful

2009-11-25T11:15:00.000-08:00

It is the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and I am in Paris. That is definitely one thing to be grateful for; maybe more than one if you count all five weeks. But as I sit here, in a crowded smokey cafe, I am struck by all the other things I have to be thankful for including:

My family. We are not the closest family. We talk infrequently, visit even less, and mostly keep tabs on one another thru the family phone tree. Yet, I know they love me and I love them. It is a weird thing, family. You can forgive almost anything because you know that if you ever needed anything they would be there (and vice versa). I am especially grateful for the legions of women in my family who raised me, loved me, nurtured me and empowered me. I consider myself lucky to be raised by a tribe of women, all of whom have more pluck, courage, spirit and determination than most of the men in their lives (and I think the men would say the same thing).
My friends. Being an only child who has lived most of my life away from home I am always grateful of the family my friends have helped me create. Whether it someone from childhood, college, campaigns, Australia, New York, London, work or just the neighborhood, I am always amazed at the diverse, interesting, determined, amazing (an overused word, by me, I know) group that I am able to call my friends, my family away from home. Many of them have picked me up when I've down, most have been there to celebrate the milestones, and a few have been there through it all. I am blessed and I hope, like with my family, that I repay them in kind.
My life. It was always the case that I was happy with life. There were times that I simply threw up my hands and gave up. But it wasn't for very long. Thanks to the aforementioned friends and family, I was always able to step back, take stock and move forward. And I have had some amazing experiences, fabulous jobs and worked with/for/in unique places and people. This time in Paris has often reminded me of that, how lucky I am to be able to do things I do. As I wander around, trying to figure out what is next, I also just remind myself to take it all in and breathe.
My country. Wow, I am the last person who I ever thought would write that. Seriously. But as I have been lucky enough to travel around the globe, I am always reminded that America is a great country. We have our problems, like all countries. We don't do enough to tackle poverty at home, or illiteracy, or unemployment, or health care. We have, probably unfortunately, given the world McDonalds, Starbucks, and WalMart. We are responsible for more than 1/3 of the world's global emissions. We have racism, guns and people who shoot people who don't agree with them. Yes, we have all of that. But we are constantly growing, evolving, and becoming a better country. And, especially as a woman, I'm glad I was born here. I'm not at risk of fistula; I was not only allowed to go to school but encouraged to; I wasn't married at 9 and am not punished for still not being married. It's not bad to be an American and it took being away from home again to realize that.

There are many, mostly superficial things, that I'm also grateful for but these are the big ones. Tomorrow, at a friend's house in Paris, we'll celebrate these and more.

Random photo gallery (can you name where?)

2009-11-23T08:03:00.000-08:00

How time flies!

2009-11-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

I must admit that I feel as though I just arrived in Paris and not, at all, like I have to start considering a second suitcase or finding my way back to some street to buy the pink salt I saw. It is, however, an interesting reminder of how quickly life seems to be moving these days. Not only is it the end of my time in Paris, this also marks a year of great change in my life, and I am not sure where all the days went. How is it almost Christmas, again?

Where is this going? I'm not really sure but I as I think about all I have learned about myself over the past year, the month I've been in Paris, and the coming months of uncertainty, I would like to try and expand this blog beyond a travel memoir and use it explore professional and personal decisions/thought processes. So any thoughts or emails about that idea would be great.

As for my final days in Paris, they are going to be filled with so much including:

The Champs-Elysees Christmas Market
Boat tour of Paris
Fabulous cafes, lunches and dinners at Table 28, Comptoir, Creperies
Back to the Louvre and a final visit at the Musee Picasso and Musee Rodin
Champagne at the Eiffel Tower

And I'm sure there will be more. I've got Christmas presents to buy; Christmas cards to write (this year I will send before Valentine's Day); Thanksgiving dinner to attend at B's; S coming for a visit; and a lot of macaroons to eat.

Wish me luck!

Just when is enough? (Culture, that is)

2009-11-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

I will admit it here, I have abandoned my French classes. To be honest, as the idea of spending several weeks a year in Paris has faded into memory the allure of becoming proficient has waned. I still have the class credit and, if, I end up continuing to work on development issues, than I will return to the Alliance Francais (no clue where the accent character is) with my tail between my legs. For now, I'm content with my failure and am rededicating myself to the pursuit of pleasure in Paris.

This is coming in many forms: pastries, shopping, music, museums, and cafes. So far, there is nothing disappointing about this decision. The question now, is when is too much? Is there such a thing as too much culture, too much good food, too much fun music? I really don't think so but here are a few highlights:

Live music. Whether it is Cignale or Point Ephemere (PE) or the Opera or the random Afro-Cuban nightclub (oh, and, yeah, the jazz!), Paris is a music city. It is made for people like me who love live music. I am in awe of musicians and am so not looking forward to the day when I'm too old to go to places like Point Ephemere or the 930 Club. PE is a great space in the middle of a rather random section of Paris. It is a live music venue, performance art space and restaurant. If you're here for a bit, check it out. Totally off the beaten path, it is a great place to hear live music and hang out with 'cool' people. I went to see Mike Snow, a very groovy American/Brit indie group that is best known for writing Britney Spears' Toxic. But don't hold that against them.

Galleries and More Galleries. I don't think it is possible to visit too many galleries or museums because, and let's be honest here, we don't do it enough. I live in Washington DC, the land of the free museum, and I rarely go unless there I have visitors or there is a new, major exhibit. And NYC is only a short train ride away. But, again, unless it is something special, I'm rarely found perusing a gallery or entering a museum. So spending hours upon hours absorbing art, of all forms, in Paris is delightful. Of course my late night visits to the Louvre are wonderful but so is wandering in and out of the galleries on r.d Seine. This weekend, I'll be spending hours at Paris Photo, one of the largest collections of still photography in the world. Highlights from my walks: Michael Kenna's retrospective at La Bibliothèque nationale de France (BnF; the Richelieu location); Monet's Water Lilies at Musée de l'Orangerie (where they have been since the 1920s); the Paris news bureaus photo archives; and the public sculpture garden within Jardin des Tuileries.

Patisseries! Another wonderful thing to do, when you have loads of free time, is to wander the streets and find fantastic patisseries and salon de thés throughout the city.

I have tried more than a dozen and my favorites are currently:

Laduree. This is an obvious choice and I won't waste space writing about it except to say, GO!
Dalloyau. The location by the Jardin du Luxembourg is my favorite. Fewer tourists, quieter

space. A special touch: the pastries are identified by the year they were put on the menu.
Gerard Mulot. There are several of these located around the city and they make the most

beautiful cakes and made-for-home meals (if you like pate and salad at home, that is).
Le Meurice. Technically, this is a hotel. But it has high tea, is a great place to people watch

and is the home of Camielle, a to-die-for pastry chef that makes the most beautiful tartes I have

ever seen or eaten.

Skeptical that pastries belong in the culture category? Don't be. In Paris, these places, and pretty

much throughout the city, the bakers/owners of the various patisseries are artists.

At Le Meurice, my chocolate torte was covered with a deep red raspberry creme that was

piped to look like roses. And for a second, I thought they were. The glistening dots on top?

Roasted pistachios dusted with gold leaf. Seriously, every bite, in every place, has felt a little

like eating art.

I wish were one of those people who took pictures of their food so I could share pictures of the

Saint Honore Rose-Frambroise or Rose du Chocolat or many of the other things I have eaten.

But I don't so you'll just have to try them for yourself.

Enjoy!

The Soundtrack for My Paris

2009-11-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

"My relation to music is defensive. I have the sensation that music establishes a mysterious form of communication that can take you over. And so to assert my independence, I reject it." - Federico Fellini.

The Jeu de Paume is currently hosting a Fellini retrospective here in Paris and I was lucky enough to go the other night. Now, I admit to not being someone who loves his films and I actually found La Dolce Vita a bit sad when I watched it again recently. The sense that all of the people were trying to be a bit outrageous, a constant search for the most daring thing, was lost on me the second time around.

But this installation was well put together and focused on his broader influence, culturally, including the use of music in his films. While he "rejects" music, it is clear that his choices were deliberate and strongly contributed to the overall narrative and mood of his films. It is also evident that his use of music has influenced all of the generations of film makers, ever since.

I have been thinking about music, a lot, here in Paris as I've found myself listening to more of my iTunes catalog than ever before. With more than 4,000 songs loaded onto the thing (and, yes, I know that M, B and others have twice that), I have been taking the time to really get to know the music I own and start to sort out what I really like, versus what I've been given by friends, or thought I liked because all of my friends liked it.

I've come to some pretty interesting conclusions. Many are not surprising. Yes, I still love jazz music, beyond all others. I am eagerly awaiting the full release of the Newport Jazz Festival recordings. Though, I realize with the exception of a few works by Wynton Marsalis, contemporary jazz isn't all that interesting to me. Give me the extended jam sessions by Dizzy Gillespie, any day or night.

Random Top 40 has a place in my heart. I run the risk of being very uncool here but there are times in this world for a well-crafted pop song. Whether it's a syrupy anthem by Miley Cyrus or a fun dance track by Kylie. There is space in my brain to appreciate these things and they can bring a smile to the most stoic of faces.

Boy Bands. No, not the Backstreet Boys or N'Sync but the bands 'boys/men' love. Over the years I have dated a steady stream of music lovers. Like a bad scene out of a Nick Hornby novel or an updated cut from Diner, I have been grilled on which Replacements albums do I own; Bob Mould or Husker Du (or both); which Jack White side project is better? Those are the easy questions. And while I've mostly passed the tests, I often wondered if I really liked this type of music or if I had just grown to like it over the years. The answer is, well, probably both. I made a play list the other day of random songs, many from this genre, and found that I listened to for more than three hours as I wandered Paris. It held up nicely whether in the 6th, walking thru the Marais, standing outside the Pompidou, or roaming the Bastille.

What don't I like? Surprisingly, there is little on my iPod that I don't really like or want to delete. Things that have been "unchecked" so they don't load? ABBA. I know, I know, but I don't really like them. The Hold Steady. What was I thinking? I started worrying about liking this band when I saw the bunch of misogynistic a-holes at one of their shows, but the more I listen, the less I like. And, now this really, surprised me, with the exception of about five songs I can't listen to the Beatles. They were geniuses and the music is timeless, but I don't really want to listen to it. It's not part of the soundtrack of my life. John Lennon, yes. Beatles, no.

The following songs are currently on a play list entitled, Random Smiles in Paris:

O...Saya, A.R. Rahman & MIA

You Oughta Know, Alanis Morissette

Always a Friend, Alejandro Escovedo

America, Alex Lloyd

The Old Apartment, Bare Naked Ladies

See a Little Light, Bob Mould

Oh My God, Whatever, Ryan Adams

Tuesday Morning, The Pogues

God Don't Make Lonely Girls, The Wallflowers

The Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes, Elvis Costello

Sons & Daughters, The Decemberists

The Magic Hour, Wynton Marsalis

Wide Open Spaces, Dixie Chicks

I Lost It, Lucinda Williams

A Song for You, Whiskeytown

Tears Dry On Their Own, Amy Winehose

Tangled Up in Blue, Bob Dylan

Don't Go Back to Rockville, REM

Jesus Walks, Kayne West

Old Enough, The Raconteurs

Don't Stop Believin', The Glee Cast

Unsatisfied, The Replacements

Seven Nation Army, The White Stripes

Trying to Throw Your Arms Around the World, U2

A Week in the Life ... Serendipity Rules

2009-11-13T07:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so life can't really suck when you walk across the Pont des Arts every day to get to school. Never mind that my laughable attempt to master conversational French is failing miserably (more on that later), that until the last 48 hours the weather has been bitter and cold, and that the dollar is so weak even my otherwise insatiable shopping habit has been brought to a screaming halt.

The view from this bridge, whether at 7 in the morning (sept heures du matin), 7 at night (dix-sept heures du soir) or midnight (minhuit, I think but I don't know), can stop your heart a little and make you smile. [Note: The picture to the left is also one of my many experiments with camera and iPhoto. Not great but a fun way to try out a new hobby]

The point of all of this is, well, really nothing, except that I was on my way back to the 6th the other afternoon, class had been particularly demoralizing, and I was just looking forward to sitting on my bridge to decompress. Deciding that was too depressing, I picked myself off and decided to take myself to lunch at Comptoir. I won't bore you with another diatribe about how much I love that place but it proved itself to once again be a maker of magical moments for me in Paris.

I was seated inside, sandwiched between two couples both of whom looked very chic, very Paris and very intimidating, and while steeling myself for the brutal disdain of my amateurish French by the notoriously snobby waitstaff, I discovered that the couple to my right was having even more trouble with the menu than I was. I leaned over to offer encouragement in the form of everything is fabulous, the lamb is always great, and we struck up a quick conversation. Essentially, what the hell do you think that is - pointing to one of their specials?

I took a closer look at the woman and realized she reminded me a friend of my aunt's. I told her so and said, wow, it's amazing how much you like A-. Her reply: well, I am A- and this P-! Turns out this wonderful couple, who are also in Paris taking an immersion French class, had been told by their friend to try Comptoir. Now, that's not unusual. But what is totally random is that of all the bistros, on all the days, this couple would be seated right next to me and I would spend the next two hours with them reminiscing about Italy, comparing notes on Paris and talking about my family (and theirs).

So very cool. I caught up with them later that night at the Jeu de Paume for a Fellini retrospective and dinner at one of the oddest places (but still delicious) I have dined in Paris, a back alley sushi restaurant. The conversation was interesting, the common interests many, and it will go down as one of the more random, but lovely days in my trip.

Which is really a theme of this time in Paris, if I stop to think about it. Everyone has been great. Whether it was providing me with links to articles, names of their own favorite places, phone numbers of close friends, etc., this trip has really felt like one that is blessed with good wishes and good karma.

O Chateau, Cafe de Flore and more

2009-11-09T08:31:00.000-08:00

What do you do in Paris on a weekend, alone? Sound pathetic? Well, not really, given everything there is to do in this city. With the possible exception of trying to find someplace to dine where you won't get picked up (unless that's your thing), it is actually a wonderful city to spend a weekend out and about, even at night.

The Louvre, at night. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, the Louvre is open until 10 PM (the galleries start closing at 9:30ish). It is the best way to see the museum, especially if you're here for more than a day or two, because the crowds are minimal (see pic). There is no one pushing you out of the way to view the Mona Lisa; no mad rush to see Napoleon's apartments; and even the book shop is quiet and calm. It helps if you have a few opportunities to visit the museum (it's also a reduced price visit on W/F) so that you can check out the individual wings, one at a time, without rushing yourself.

Wine tasting. When in Paris (or France), it's time to taste some wine. I highly recommend O Chateau, a small operation that is dedicated to fun and not intimidating, at all, wine education. There is a small shop attached though they only sell the wines you taste, that evening. The sommeliers are enthusiastic and knowledgeable. For 50 euros, you can taste five grand cru wines and a champagne. It is a lovely way to spend a few hours on a Saturday night.

Dining alone. The one thing I hate, as a woman traveling alone, is eating alone. It isn't especially comfortable and so I tend to eat a fantastic lunch out (for some reason it is easier in the day time) and then make dinner at home. But on Saturday night, I decided to treat myself to the prix fixe menu at Fish la Boissonnerie. I've been here several times over the year and it is always good for a wonderful meal. Plus, while it is usually populated by the French, the owners are American and New Zealanders so they are much more tolerant of my halting French. After having a lovely Sancerre, sea bass with a lemon risotto, and a cheese plate for dessert, I was content, walked home and watched Vicky, Christina, Barcelona on DVD.

Sunday sunshine and Cafe de Flore. There is nothing original about loving Cafe de Flore but love it I do. Great people watching, fun waiters, and excellent coffee. This is the perfect place to read the Sunday editions of the Guardian and IHT.

Comfort: Fashion, food and literature

2009-11-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a girl needs a comfort fix. For me, this means a great book, some sort of fashion fix and great food (and wine).

This week provided all three, fantastically (is that even a word?).

Madame Vionnet, I worship you.

If you’re going to be anywhere near Paris before January 10, 2010, check out the Madeline Vionnet exhibit (1876-1975) at Les Arts Decoratifs. A queen of couture and a leader in protecting the rights and creations of artists from counterfeiting, she was brilliant. While cutting material on the bias has been done since the Greeks made togas, she perfected it as a way to make simple, architecturally sound clothing that literally freed women from corsets. And anyone who is a fan of Anthropologie (I am a complete addict) owes her a tip of the hat as her designs from the 1920s and 30s are very much alive and on our bodies this season. The dress in the photograph was first produced in 1922; I would wear it tonight, or any night.

Constant Comfort

Michael Constant is a French (obviously) chef who has four restaurants within three blocks of one another. The represent exclusive, high, medium and cafe dining and I had dinner with T. and her husband at Les Cocottes the other night. It was wonderful, casual and yummy meal. The location, in the 7th and not far from the Eiffel Tower, makes this a great place to end a long day (if you're willing to eat at either 7:30 or 10 pm, as it doesn't take reservations). A cocotte is a cast iron cooking dish and almost all of the dishes are cooked and served in them. We had lovely kir vin blancs, a nice wine and a multi-course meal that was simple in design but delicious in execution. Highlight: the day's special of homemade ravioli with lobster.

Zola!

Confession time: in all my years, and with all the books I've read, I've never read anything by Emile Zola. As the rain poured down on Wednesday, I tucked myself into a blanket and worked my way through a book of short stories, For A Night of Love. What I found, well, I can't explain but it was series of stories that touched me in a rare way. They aren't pretty love stories; the relationships don't really work out, at all. But they are simple, beautiful stories. Next up: the whole series known as Les Rougon-Macquart.

The Louvre Has Gnomes!

2009-11-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

There is so much to see and do in Paris that sometimes it is hard to decide how to spend an afternoon. Having started my French classes (j m’appelle Katherine, et tu? Comment ci dit “this is hard”?), I am in class until 1 pm so each afternoon is now getting filled with galleries and meandering. Next week, I will take a couple of wine classes and, then there will be serious shopping, but this week it is art. Mostly it’s the weather that is pushing me in this direction. The temperature has plummeted and the rains have started so it is best to get indoors.

It was a good thing I did, as I found something totally unexpected: there are garden gnomes in the Louvre. A little off the beaten path, but in a nook that is definitely worth looking for, the gnomes are part of a greater collection of decorative arts from the 16th century to present day. I love gnomes, too, but what does it say about our culture that a gnome has made it into the permanent collection of the museum that is home to the Winged Victory, the Mona Lisa, etc.?

That we’re fun? Quirky? Tacky? A little lost artistically? Or experts at capturing a moment? Or a little of them all?

I think probably the later.

A Not So Hidden Gem

2009-11-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

One of the things I wanted to do most here in Paris, related to cuisine, was have dinner at Hidden Kitchen. This is a totally illegal underground restaurant here in Paris that is either going to have to legit or stop getting media attention.

I vote for going legit. The gig is up on this place, which is not a bad thing, and I don’t want the talented chef, or his lovely girlfriend who books the reservations, takes the coats and chooses the wines, to go to jail or get shut down.

Given that I found out about it on My Little Paris - the Parisian equivalent of Daily Candy - and others at my dinner read about it on Facebook, Time Out Blogs and Trip Advisor, it is only a matter of time before either the gendarmes show up or someone backs this team for a real restaurant. It would be an excellent investment, as man, can this kid cook! (By kid, I mean it, as he’s probably no more than 30.) Those from DC will appreciate this comparison: he’s created Komi in his living room. Seriously.

So here’s out it works. (Again, on this one, I’m not giving away any trade secrets. Though, I’m not going to include the various links. If you like food, are coming to Paris and want to experience this wonderful dinner, you’ll need to at least do a little research on ‘the Google’.)

Step one: Find link and submit reservation request by email. The ‘restaurant’ books up months in advance so you may get the ‘would you like to be on our wait list’ email. Do it. I couldn’t get a reservation, joined the wait list, and Voila! I got a seat the second weekend I was in Paris.

Step two: Twenty-four hours before, you’ll get an email with the location, cost and a request for any allergies, etc. The cost: 80 Euros. Take it from me, it is a steal. It is 10 courses (with an amouche bouse and petit fours) and includes wine pairings and coffee.

Step three: Show up on the doorstep at the appointed time. Try not to be late. Two people from our dinner were a half hour late and it was annoying. One, because everyone else was scarily prompt. Two, because we were all starving!

Step four: Sip your aperitif (a lovely champagne with pomegranate seeds), get to know the fellow diners (in my group that was two British couples, one lovely Parisian couple, two American expats and their friends, a group of four women traveling together, and me) and get ready for a lovely meal.

Step five: Eat. For our dinner, the menu was what can only be described as a Parisian take on Thanksgiving:

Amuse bouche. Egg nog granita and a “spoonful” of candied yam with homemade marshmallow. While I thought the yam was a little sweet, the spice came thru on the egg nog and the whole thing signaled the start of an innovative Fall-inspired meal.
Soup. Sunchoke soup with brown butter pear jam. Sunchokes are the base of a sunflower and have a relatively delicate flavor. In this case, he managed to bring out the earthiness with the salt of the brown butter. Everyone at the table was caught wiping their bowls with lovely pieces of traditional French baguette.
Vegetable. Crispy broccoli with white cheddar sauce. Yeah, the menu description did nothing for me either. It was actually a collection of small, broccoli florets roasted until crisp and served wrapped in a baked ring of rye cracker. Lemon zest, parmesan, and some beautiful pepper was all it took to elevate this dish to something simple but special.
Fish. Sauteed sea bass with homemade chorizo, mussels, garlic and lime. The fish was perfectly cooked and served in a very light seafood broth. This simple dish was brought to life by the chorizo’s spice and the tang of the lime.
Cleanser. Everyone at our dinner loved the palette cleanser dividing the fish and meat courses - a Mint Julep. This version consisted of a mint granita served on top of a bourbon gel. A mouthful of the South brought up memories of Spring afternoons and prompted a discussion of hats, horse-racing and gambling.

Still with me? Because there was so much more.

Pasta. This was a single, perfectly seasoned veal meatball served over delicate, handmade linguini. Topped with simple lemon zest and parmesan, the pasta had the hidden treat of truffle oil- not too much, just enough.
Meat. Pork belly is everywhere now and some are probably sick of it. I’m not and while my favorite is still, and probably always will be, is the pork belly ramen at Momofuku in New York, but this dish (pork belly with walnut salsify and pickled chillies) was delightful. The belly fat just melted in your mouth and chillies were a hot-and-spicy-treat for the palette.
Salad. Over the years, I’ve actually come to like brussels sprouts. Though usually I like them roasted with balsamic vinegar and a little pepper but this delicate salad was nothing more than shaved brussels sprouts, lemon, pepper and dash of oil. This allowed the earthiness to shine through and it was the perfect thing to follow the richness of belly.
Dessert. If there was a weak point in the night, it was the apple pie. Accompanied by a refreshing and not-too-sweet apple cider ice cream, the apples weren’t great and the ‘crust’ was a little tough. What saved dessert was the selection of petits fours including ginger geles, dark chocolate peanut butter cups, petit beignets and oh-so-perfectly-minature-sized ‘rice crispy’ treats.

With these yummy mouthfuls, the night closed on a fantastic note. Our charming hosts came out and chatted for a while, there was no rush, and one-by-one we left with new friends, a fun story and a full tummy.

[Note: The wines weren’t documented though I have asked for a list; I’ll post when I get the email.]

Parisian patisseries, Cooking classes and, next up, Hidden Kitchen

2009-10-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

One of the things I promised myself about my time in Paris is that I would eat well, take cooking lessons and travel outside of the 6th Arrondissement for both. The past couple of days have been a real treat in trying to stay true to this promise.

Keep in mind the 6th is no slouch when it comes to food. Le Comptoir is one of my favorite restaurants in the world. Almost every food critic in the world agrees with me (though many discovered it AFTER my friend and former co-worker turned me onto it). It is exactly three blocks from the apartment I've been lucky enough to stay at time and time again and I love it there. Each time I've left with a new story, a new favorite dish and a very special Parisian memory. If you get a chance, go! Then there are countless of other bistros including Allard and L'Atelier de Joël Robuchon (technically in the 7th but, oh, so close). So why should I leave?

Well, even some place as fantastic as the 6th can grow "normal" after a while. Plus, it is time that I made Paris a little more of my own (as opposed to my aunt's, my ex's, or my friends). So over the last 72 hours, I've barely been in my neighborhood except to have a kir vin blanc at the local pub with free wi-fi.

On Wednesday, I ventured to Montparnesse for a simple, yet delicious bistro lunch at Cafe L'Atelier (no relation to Robuchon one). Directly across from La Coupole, a well-worn Paris icon, this simple sidewalk cafe features quality carpaccio (raw meat had better be good), nice wine and great people watching. For half the price of Coupole, too. I was supposed to meet B. afterwards at the Foundation Henri-Cartier-Bresson but how I ended up not getting there is a blog post all on its own (who knew there was also a Foundation Cartier).

Instead we met up later that night for a talk by three Americans making their living in Paris and both the history and total lust for perfect Parisian patisserie. Of the three authors, Dorie Greenspan was the one I was least familiar with and most instantly fell in love with. She is a pixie and her descriptions of macaroons, cakes, pastisseries, and the personalities behind them was like watching a 100-times better version of myself describing similar things. She clearly loves food, isn't afraid of butter and loves sharing her thoughts and expertise with the public. Alec Lobrano was also a delight.

Shy and awkward but a total natural in front of the crowd, he is the most comfortable with the fact that he is an unashamed eater, not a chef. So nice to see a real person, albeit a passionate one talk about a love of food that can still make room for a Pepperidge Farm cookie or two. David Lebovitz was, well, exactly what you would expect from his blog. Funny, self-affacing and someone with clever and interesting tips about living and eating in Paris.

Fresh from there talk, I was ready to devour pastries but we were (and this is not a bad thing) on the hunt for more substantive fare. We tried, and failed, to score a table at two of Christian Constant's four restaurants, most especially Les Cocottes. Instead we ended up in the ever trendy and totally packed Rue Cler neighborhood and found perfectly good frites, good wine and heat lamps (the temps are dropping here in Paris). While one person found their Hollandaise wanting, the eggs benedict included bacon which made everything worth while.

Today was a six hour class with Paule Caillat. This bundle of everything that it means to be Parisian picks you up outside Stohrer Patissier (one of the oldest in all of Paris and in the 3rd) on the Rue de Montorgueil. From there we shopped at an ever-dwindling supply of speciality merchants. A butcher, a fish monger, an amazing produce stand, several boulangeries, cafes and a fantastic cheese shop (though not as good as La Fromagerie 31 in the 6th, but the cheese guy is way, way cute), etc.

Exhausted from our shopping, we headed back to Paule's (the "e" is silent) home and set about making a four course meal that included Soup de Moules au Safran, Agneau Braise, Tarte au Citron (with most amazingly simple crust, ever), a cheese course and cafe and chunks of amazing 65% Venezuela chocolat noir. I will be making all of this meal when I'm back in DC, either in its entirety or dish-by-dish.

Paule's is the type of cooking class I like. Lots of digressions, some passionate outbursts (no matter what you do, don't slice all the bread), great stories by both the hostess and the guests (I was joined by a young retired couple from Berkley and a doctor from Sweden, now living in Boston), some wine, and lots of laughs.

You weren't expected to know how to slice or dice anything. Just know to hold the knife by the handle and not the blade and you're ahead of the game. Some might find this boring but I found it interesting, comfortable and, most of all, yummy. I may do somethings differently but I tell you that I walked away learning to make a mussel soup and a pie crust that may even rival my grandmother's (I'll have to ask my aunt, to be sure).

Plus, Paule was full of tips on where to pie artisnal pottery, get my nails down, get a facial and where to find a fantastic hole-in-the-wall patisserie. So in all, money and time well spent.

Next up: tomorrow I'm dining at Hidden Kitchen. I've lamented the fact that my mother got a reservation with this unique, independent dining experience before I did but they had a cancellation so I'm headed there tomorrow night.

Pictures above: Paule Caillat talking about sweetbreads and ofal while we shop; the Eiffel Tower at night; and fresh cherry tomatoes from Provence.

Les Arts Décoratifs and so much more

2009-10-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

Day Five in Paris and so much to do, tell and share...

First off, some bulleted musings:

Paris at night is fantastic. I know, I know, an obvious statement but when you can't sleep, I can't think of pretty (or safer) city to wander around in late at night. I'm lucky enough to be staying the Sixth Arrondissement which means I'm footsteps from the Pont Neuf, the Louvre, the Town Hall and so many other things. But in general, wow.

Cafes at the Louvre. In addition to being the most amazing museum, ever, the Louvre is also home to several fantastic cafes. A personal favorite, Cafe Marly, is great. Snobby, quintessentially French, and I have seen Andre Leon Tally there, once or twice. But I now have a new favorite: the cafe Saut du Loup at the Les Arts Décoratifs (rue de Rivoli, Paris). Inside, but most especially outside, in a hidden edge of the Tuileries, this cafe has a view to die for, service that while spotty is lovely, and an awesome café crème. Oh, and did I mention the free Wi-Fi? What better place to check email or blog than a cafe with a distant but crisp view of the Eiffel Tower and, mostly, French patrons.

The pharmacie de garde (or late night pharmacy). I landed in Paris with a wicked cold. Combined with jet lag brought about by my inability to sleep on the plane (and a mild hangover from the going away party the night before), I was flat on my back for the first 48 hours. But one visit to the pharmacie de garde, a look down my throat, a medicine I can neither pronounce or spell and I'm much, much better. Up and about for the first solid day of my trip, I am ready to tackle all.

Contemporary art is just as perplexing as it is in the States. I went to the final day of the FIAC. Three locations, including some rather random statues in the the Jardin des Tuileries, and it was all just bad. Now maybe someone might disagree but I come from a family of artists (both blood relatives and friends) and there was nothing there that would have captured their imagination. In fact, I think we all would have had a good laugh at the number of people that paid 28 Euros each to see blobs of wood, a chart of how many times 'summer' appears in Beach Boy songs (written with dry erase markets on slick sheets of wipe-a-way paper) and several artworks featuring the KKK. Thankfully it is over but, Mon Dieu!

Other random musings:

Read Netherlands and Juliet, Naked. I'm burning through my reading list (there isn't much else to do when you don't have a job but read) and I loved both Netherlands and Juliet, Naked. Maybe it was an insight into the male psyche (both), the love of music (in Juliet) or the passion for cricket (Netherlands) that I have never understood until now, but both are awesome. Highly recommend.

Everything is cooler in France. The grocery stores stock shelves of foie gras and cases of nice cheese. It's like being in a gigantic Dean & Deluca but better (and for the prices of a Giant).

My body is craving caffeine like never before. Maybe it is my mild addiction to cafe cremes or just the sheer prevalence of cafes, but I can almost feel it calling to me.

Paris, is just lovely. This may seem like an odd observation but this is my second time in this city when I've been single and getting over a significant relationship. Oh, how can you go to Paris, to mend a broken heart, some ask. It's easy, I am here to tell you. Subtract all the beautiful couples, the massive amounts of kissing in public, and you're left with one of the most amazing cities in the world. Birthplace of surrealism, home of literary giants, inventor of cooking, cradle of fashion, etc. I could go on and on. What more could a girl want or need? Okay, maybe some new shoes from Colette?

Next up: exhibits featuring Toulouse Lautrec and Madeline Vionnet, cooking class at Promenades Gourmandes, a talk at the American Library featuring David Lebovitz, and so much more.

Paris Prep, pt 2. & Paris Tweeters.

2009-10-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

Just a few hours before I leave for Paris. Passport, check. Checked in online, check. Keys to flat, check. Class confirmation, check. A couple more quick things to do but, overall, I'm feeling pretty good so this morning I decided to take a little time to explore Twitter resources for Paris.

So far I haven't found much but there a couple really good ones (if you have other suggestions, let me know).

@ParisBuFF. Runs a vacation rental place in Montmartre. http://memorablemoviesandmontmartre.webs.com/. Cool tips and links such as
@AUPTweets. Official site of American University in Paris. Tip for today: conversation opportunities every week Thursday 18h00-19h30 @ The American Church (65, Quai d'Orsay, room G2)
@ParisHideaways. Rental agency but also good tips. Sorry to be missing the 150th anniversary of the Eiffel Tower today.
@CoolStuffParis. Relatively new site that has links to stuff like funky art walks.
@David Lebovitz. He has the eponymous website, too. Amazing tips on travel, living in Paris. http://www.davidlebovitz.com/

Random aside: Wheels up at 5:30 tonight. Land in Paris tomorrow morning. Will fly away thinking about the awesome party that my friends had for me last night. While my trip is shaping up a little differently than originally planned, it promises to be amazing. And I'm truly blessed to have such great friends to help me launch it.

Paris Prep and, then, WTF!

2009-10-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

Five days until Paris and things are, mostly, sunshine and light. I'm almost packed (down to five pairs of shoes, instead of 10) and spending hours trolling the Internet finding ways to make the trip a little easier and ways to fill my time while I'm there.

One of the best things I found was this cool App for the iPhone that lets you download maps so you don't have to pay the crazy roaming charges. Offmaps. $2.99. Very cool. Also, loaded on a currency converter, a Zagats and a translator. Why, oh, why doesn't Rosetta Stone have an app. Good articles to read if you're researching travel Apps are:

http://current.newsweek.com/budgettravel/2009/10/iphone_travel_advice_from_an_i.html. This one is hot off "the Internets" and where I found out about Offmaps.
http://matadorgoods.com/useful-iphone-apps-for-travelers/. This article is a little out of date (Lonely Planet now charges for its phrase books) but still useful.
http://adventure.nationalgeographic.com/2009/06/best-iphone-travel-apps-text/1. Nat Geo always finds cool things including a free Wi-Fi finder. That, and Skype, should help me avoid too many crazy roaming costs.

I also loaded up my Kindle with e-books of all sizes, genres and topic (thank you UN Foundation staff for the gift certificate). In addition to a stack of New Yorkers and a couple of random paperbacks, I'm hoping to get thru most, if not all of these, in the next five weeks:

Netherland, A Novel. Joseph O’Neill
The Financial Lives of the Poets. Jess Walter.
Juliet, Naked. Nick Hornby.
Best Music Writing 2009. Greil Marcus (editor)
Best American Political Writing 2009. Royce Flippin (editor) and featuring a piece by one of my best friends, Terence Samuel.
Half the Sky. Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl Wu Dunn
Judgment Of Paris: California vs. France and the Historic 1976 Paris Tasting that Revolutionized Wine. George M Taber.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Stieg Larsson.
The Year of the Flood: A Novel. Margaret Atwood.
The Help. Kathryn Stockett.
The White Queen: A Novel. Philippa Gregory.
Playing the Enemy. John Carlin.
Southern Vampire Mysteries (books 1-3). Charlaine Harris.
Abigail Adams: A Writing Life. Edith Gelles
Omnivore’s Dilemma. Michael Pollan
My Stroke of Insight. Jill Bolte Taylor

I know, I know, it seems ambitious but I love Paris, I love cafes and I love reading. So after class, each day, I'm hoping to find a new cafe and spend some time just relaxing and reading a book (or two).

Worried that I won't see anything interesting if I have my head stuck in a book? How wrong you are! I've also found several interesting cooking classes and private home dinners to attend, including:

Sunday Dinner. This sounds a little odd but in a good way. Dinners for 60 or so people on a Sunday with a guy named Jim.
Hidden Kitchen. My mom is going to this one in February (they don't have any openings while I'm there).
Ecole de Cuisine. This is Alain Ducasse's new cooking school.

Each day, I'm learning more and more about the city and all the amazing things to do that go beyond the Louvre, Musee de Rodin or Musee d'Orsay. I will try and post as many reviews/comments/thoughts on people, the books, the travel Apps, the restaurants, the classes, etc. as I can.

Oh, and the WTF moment: Thirty or so Republicans (and, officially, the Department of Defense) opposed Sen. Al Franken's effort to amend the Defense Appropriations bill to prevent the Pentagon from doing business with contractors who force employees into binding arbitration over rape and sexual assault charges. It is sad, but very true, that a large number of women who are active military or civilian contractors are victims of rape and sexual assault. This amendment would make it easier for them to report the crimes and for authorities to prosecute offenders. Seems pretty simple to me (and John Stewart). If this makes me as angry as it makes me, call the Capitol switchboard at 202.224.3121 and 1) tell Sen. Franken thank you for having the courage to try to do something and then ask for any of the 30 nutjobs who opposed it and give them a piece of your mind.

Free Time Fills Up

2009-10-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

Having had a job pretty continuously since I was 15 years old, I must admit to not being too sure about choosing to take a sabbatical. Especially during a recession. But after just a few short days (less than two weeks, really), I'm finding I love it.

There is a real freedom in having no real plan. Don't get me wrong, I get what a tremendous luxury this is but, and this sounds so horrible, I deserve it. I've worked really hard, I saved my money, paid off my debt, built a solid reputation for myself and never really asked anyone for anything. So now I'm going to enjoy it. I will have to go back to work after the first of the year and I need to keep my mind active and fresh, but it is easy to fill the days with things I want to do (as opposed to with what I'm supposed to do).

Today's agenda - errands.

Dry cleaner, shoe repair, bank, post office, coffee with a friend, drink with another friend, dinner with more friends. Packing and laundry are necessary somewhere in between. Then thank you notes and several long overdue letters need to be written. Oh, and add the need to return something to H&M. Add all that up and the day is gone!

Pretty impressive. And I'm looking forward to filling 90 more days just like this.

Oakland Sunshine & Paris Blogs

2009-10-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

Ah, Oakland. Or more specifically, Rockridge. For some, it's a coveted neighborhood in close proximity to a BART, Berkeley, good schools and good restaurants. For me, it is home to Gracie and Tessa (oh, and their parents, Karen & Dan). The last few days have been filled with a lot of laughter, a few melt downs and lots of hugs and "Auntie Katherine!".

But with the girls at preschool, and their parents at work, I decided to get out and start exploring the neighborhood. Talk about fantastic. From Rockridge Toys to Pretty Penny (vintage shop) to Bittersweet (cafe & chocolate shop), this should be a weekend destination for anyone in the Bay Area for unique shopping.

Plus, it is foodie heaven. Yes, San Francisco has hundreds of world class restaurants, but how nice it is to hang out just a quick drive (or BART ride away) and experience local food served without the attitude or scene. A couple of my favorites are: Oliveto, Zachary's Chicago Pizza and A Cote. The spinach and mushroom deep dish from Zachary's is worth the price of gas, any day. If only they delivered to Washington!

In addition to spending a lot of time with the girls, I've also been doing research on things to do in Paris. In my googling, I've discovered a number of very cool (and interesting) blogs that I plan to consult during my time there in November. Check them out:

My Little Paris, insider guide to Paris

David Lebovitz

hidden kitchen - private supper club - paris

Lehaut du panier (propulsé par peel.fr)

The HiP Paris Blog

http://littlebrownpen.blogspot.com/

http://www.coquelicot-montmartre.com/

So much to do; I may need more than a month.

Learning Something New Everyday

2009-10-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

Plumbing and electrical work. Both normally things I would leave to a professional; but today I tried (and let's stress tried) to do a little of both by myself.

To say I failed would be too strong; to say I succeeded would be a flat our lie. I tried to install new lights. What I was good at? Turing off the circuit breaker, assembly the light fixture, grounding the wires. What went wrong? I'm not tall enough, don't have a large enough ladder or four hands. So I can follow the instructions but I wasn't prepared (as I hadn't read the instructions first) and I needed help.

The same situation took place with my toilet. It's running and it won't seem to stop. I looked up a how-to online. I gathered the proper tools (or so I thought) and I started to try and fix it. No such luck. Again, I had the wrong wrench and the sealing wax I needed was sold out so I bought something similiar (big mistake).

So what now? My hallway lights are still out and my toilet still wastes gallons of water, everyday.

I think I'll take the same approach I took with my car; call a professional.

But it really did teach me something; I'm a planner but I also like to learn things as I go. This has served me well in places like Morocco, Mali and across Europe as I always had the right visas and the proper plane tickets. But it's also how I ended up on a train to Tangier, as opposed to Fez; has landed me in some pretty bad neighborhoods and is also why my apartment is starting to resemble a junk shop (extra air conditioner, random faucets, wrong size curtains, etc.).

And looking back on it, it has been a flaw of mine all my life. I can't be worried about the details; point the car in the right direction and I'll find it; was it two tablespoons, or three, oh what the hell, the cake will rise.

So what do I about it? I think, at least in the beginning, I'm going to take the advice of Mac from Mac's Tires today: slow down, it's there, you just have to pay attention and take care.

Seems like reasonable advice for someone who is always moving too fast to sweat the small stuff.

A Beautiful Day & Some Things to Check Out

2009-09-30T06:41:00.000-07:00

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the Bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out
- U2, A Beautiful Day

Ever wake up and just feel happy, with no real reason? That was today. On one hand, it is a sad day - my last at the UN Foundation. On the other, it is the start of an interesting, slightly intimidating, adventure.

First stop: California. San Francisco to hang with my mom, one of my oldest and best friends (and her gorgeous family), and several other, very special people. It promises to be a trip filled with laughs, tears, introspection and just plain fun.

Then: New York. Food, theater, old friends and a certain deliciously handsome Englishman.

Next: Paris. Language classes, yoga, Rue de Buci, café au lait, the Seine and so much more.

How decadent and fabulous this all is; how lucky I am. And I fully appreciate that. When I need a reminder of how different my life could have been, I need only open the New York Times, or check out CARE, or even talk to people at the UN Foundation. How priviledged I am to be able to make the choice to leave my job, to travel around the world, to try new things.

It's something that I will try to remind myself of, everyday.

On Another Note, Some Things to Check Out

Over my last three years, I've had the opportunity to work with some amazing organizations and develop some cool campaigns. I plan to stay involved in all of them moving forward (strong reminders of how little things go a long way to making a difference). Here are some links to my favorites:

Télécoms sans Frontières
N. This is an NGO that helps re-establish communications during disasters & emergencies. They are currently deployed in American Somoa.

www.nothingbutnets.net. An obvious choice for me. This award-winning campaign is, was, and will always be one of the things I am most proud. The power of six words: Send a net. Save a life.

The Girl Fund. Two years, a bazillion years later, we were able to start moving on The Girl Fund. Designed to help fund the UN Task Force on Girls, this is about to grow into something so much bigger; stay tuned to the Foundation for more info.

UN Dispatch. What fun it was to nurture a blog and see it grown into a premier voice on global issues. Also such fun to work with Peter Daou, Mark Goldberg, Jessica Valenti, Matt Cordell and others to make it happen.

Measles Initiative. In a few years, the world will be close to eliminating measles. One coalition deserves a lot of the credit, especially one woman, Andrea Gay.

I've also had the pleasure of working with some of the best firms and partners in the business: GMMB, SS&K, Rubenstein PR, Communicopia, MSHC and many others.

Rule #1: Don't step on your own message

2009-09-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

Today, like many days, I spent a fair part of the early morning looking for things to RT on Twitter. I'm not the type of person that feels the need to share that they just got out of the shower or stopped to get a cup of coffee, etc. so I often look for interesting things on Twitter and Facebook to share with my small community of friends. When I first signed up for Twitter, I also used it as an opportunity to follow really interesting conversations and this morning I found a doozy.

On AmandaMarcotte's twitter page, I discovered "http://bit.ly/140wlI The miscarriage link was broken earlier, but now it's fixed. Tweet your miscarriage!"

Say what? Tweet your miscarriage? Turns out Amanda's tweet was actually a retweet from Penelope Trunk, a communications professional and founder of Brazen Careerist.

Essentially, Trunk wrote a 140-character observation about how her work and personal lives were intertwined. While she was at a board meeting, she was experiencing a miscarriage. Nothing particularly shocking about that. We should be able to talk (in whatever form) about our lives, our bodies, how to balance things and we shouldn't be ashamed or need to hide some of the darker issues.

So, on first glance, I thought nothing of the tweet, or it's message. And then I read the second half of the tweet, which was a brazen, throw-away line about abortion.

Unfortunately, it also short-circuited an interesting conversation about "our bodies, ourselves". So few people take on the next layer of challenges that women face as we try to balance work and career, especially the ugly physical parts. Too many of my friends worked thru their pregnancies with hemorrhoids, bladder control issues, sciatica, and so much more. How great to have someone introduce the physicality of being a woman into the conversation.

Furthermore, having never read her blog before, I clicked around her site and found the overwhelming majority of her posts to be clever, informative, interesting and compelling. Like Amanda or Jessica Valenti or others in the feminist blogosphere, hers is unique and intelligent voice for women.

Except for that line. With it, she broke the first rule of communications: don't step on your own message. She then broke the second, don't repeat the charge. She willingly stepped in the abortion debate on their terms by once again being one of those women that don't take the emotion tied to that issue seriously enough.

This could marginalize her message going forward. She may always be the woman who tweeted about her miscarriage and abortion. Which is disappointing, for us all, as she has so many more interesting things to say.

Happiness is...

2009-09-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, happiness was a warm puppy. Or at least it was my ratty Snoopy doll my dad gave me when I was two. I carried that thing with me everywhere (I still have it, in the closet).

Now, life isn't so simple. Curling into bed with a stuffed animal isn't going to make me feel any better about a bad day; it isn't so easy to go for a long swim in the ocean, or grandma's pool; eating gallons of ice cream now requires hours in the gym; and too many margaritas, well, that leads no where good.

In reality, none of these actions actually made me any happier. Well, maybe for a little while. But instead, more and more, happiness is becoming something that you just have to choose. We choose to be bitter and unhappy, using all the tricks of the trade (food, shopping, TV, wine) to mask it. And unhappiness is such a privilege. People who live on a dollar a day don't get to choose. They have to keep moving, they have to have some optimism, or they will die, literally.

This is something I relearned this week, in New York. Listening to the commitments at CGI, talking to others in philanthropy, reading different blogs and articles, I was reminded of how lucky we are to live in America (or really any Westernized, industrialized nation). We have a choices. Choices and opportunity that the rest of the world doesn't have.

Odds are, if I had been born in Sub-Saharan Africa, India or some countries in the Middle East, I would have been married before I was 13, never learned to read, and probably living with HIV-AIDS. The odds of a girl from a family that firmly straddles the middle class, never would have been given the privilege to go university or grown up to own my own home and car. To move freely in my world; to buy what I want, when I want it; to be free of persecution and intimidation. I often take these things for granted.

I will try not to anymore. Another commitment I'm making is to seize these opportunities, to live a happier and fuller life.

Random items
Running into Meehan in the train station. Hearing how he got fistbumped by Quincy Jones.
Missing the Alicia Keys party in order to have pork belly ramen at Momofuku with Christine (much better choice)
The sheer absurdity and fun that there is an entire store dedicated to M&Ms

Classic Ted and So Much More

2009-09-23T15:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, I admit it. I am not ashamed for the world to know (or the three people reading this blog). I love Ted Turner. He is brash, creative, sometimes a little nutty, but he is fantastic. Very few people in the world have the courage to do the types of things he's done his whole life. Build an innovative (and now ubiquitous) cable company? Check. Dominate the world of sport (America's Cup, Atlanta Braves)? Check. Donate a billion dollars to the UN and watch it work? Check. Challenge people to think about a world bigger than themselves? Check!

If I will miss anything about my job, it will be the opportunity to spend time with him, listen to him, learn from him and take that knowledge and apply it every day. Today was an acute reminder of that as I spent part of the day with him as he spoke at the Global Creative Leaders Summit, made a major announcement about polio with the Permanent Representative to the UN from Saudi Arabia, and was on a panel at the Clinton Global Initiative.

At each stop, he focused the audience's attention on his three passions: ending the absurdity of nuclear weapons, combatting climate change and figuring out ways to curb population growth. Each time, he reminded us of how close we are to eradicating polio (it is only endemic in four countries and there are fewer than 1000 cases each year); how we can enable the poorest of the poor to succeed by creating a new economy with green jobs; and how we need to "start doing the smart things and stop doing the dumb things."

I posted this last part to Facebook and it was interesting, the cynical, joking responses I got. I have some of the smartest friends, ever. And yet they couldn't resist poking fun of him, of that sentiment. It was also a reminder of the rusted-on cynicism that exists in this world. How we're all so busy, working so hard on our own lives, that it is sometimes hard to believe that it is possible to make a difference. (It might also be that my friends are also massive smart asses and can't help themselves when the words are coming from a billionaire with a propensity towards outrageous statements).

For me, it was just another reminder that what ever I do next, I want it to mean something. A friend helped me articulate that today on my resume. She added a short paragraph describing my work experience and included this: "to strategize, take action, and create change. "

Exactly.

Other observations from the day:
Clinton, Clinton and more Clinton
Mohammad Yunus speaking at the 92 Street Y
Matt Damon (whoa, he's cute)
Networking and more networking at the Sheraton
Obama at the UN (oh, yeah, I forgot about that)
Walking another 100 blocks, this time in flats
Hot, sticky NYC and not beautiful clear, fall NYC

Top of Mind and #HalftheSkyTues

2009-09-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

Writing a blog is hard. Have I said that before? Whew. I don't really think I have that much to say. Really. But I have promised myself to post at least once a day and to keep a journal of this particular week in NYC. It's my last week of work and this is one of the biggest weeks in international relations and philanthropy and I wanted to make sure I remembered as much as I could about this time, so here goes quick Tuesday's quick recap:

The Good
Bloggers, Obama, Australian PM Kevin Rudd, Tony Blair and Nicolas Sarkozy - all at the UN.
Seeing Matt McKenna at CGI
Finding time to chat with K in the walk from CGI to the UN
Running into the Aussie press corps (esp Lisa Millar) at the UN
Millions of dollars (probably billions) in commitments being pledged towards international development, climate change and improving the lives of adolescent girls
Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn creating #HalftheSkyTues to help raise awareness of unsung NGOs supporting adolescent girls

The Bad
The walk from CGI to the UN (blisters!)
Getting shut out of various fun parties (must learn to network better)
Trying to schedule live TV interviews
Hotel showers

That's all, for now.

It Is A New Day and A New Era

2009-09-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

Those were some of the first words spoken by President Barack Obama today at the UN's Summit on Climate Change. And they are so true. This historic day, which is just the start of negotiations for a new climate treaty, will play host to speeches and comments by more than 100 world leaders. Each committed, for reasons personally and politically unique to their own countries, to doing something about climate change. Each here with the voices of their constituents pushing them forward to find a solution.

It is truly exciting. And, possibly more exciting, is that Obama's speech today is just one of the three he'll give at the UN this week. Never before, at least as long as I've been alive, has a US President dedicated so much energy to promoting the UN as a necessary tool for tackling global problems.

There is seems to mark a new understanding; where the old diplomacy was about each country trying to get to yes, more and more, countries are committed to agreements where the perfect isn't the enemy of the good. They recognize that each country's solutions must be individually tailored to help economies grow, technology to flourish, and individuals to find new jobs, new opportunities. And they recognize that the common ground they are trying to find is simply that they must do something. Action is better than nothing. Progress is better than a stalled progress based on egos or percentage points.

A new day, a new era.

NYC in the Fall and an X-Men for Climate Change

2009-09-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

I love New York city in the early Fall. It's cool, brisk and, usually, sunny. Today was one of those days. No clouds, not too hot, just perfect.

It is the type of day when you don't mind walking 26 blocks in heels because you get lost in the moment. Just watching the fashion, the breeze, the shopkeepers, the tourists - it is all fantastic.

And made even more fantastic by the opportunity to be here during the opening of the UN General Assembly. For the last three years, UNGA (what the nerdy kids call it) has also been the week of the Clinton Global Initiative (CGI, for those in the know). That makes this week, usually the third week in September, the Superbowl of philanthropy and international issues. From the 52nd and 7th Avenue to 46th and 1st Avenue and a million little places in between, the city is filled with celebrities, dignitaries, Secret Service and staff, upon staff, upon staff. More than any other week I've ever experienced, people are clawing over each other to go to events with Bono, Hugh Jackman, Angelina, etc. The difference? For every drink or canape, you have to listen to people talk about climate change or adaptation or global poverty. It is like the Oscars, but for smart people.

Today's signature events, for me, were the launch of Climate Week NYC and the Synergos University Night. The first took place at the New York Public Library,featured opening remarks by Hugh Jackman, and a short panel session that included the lead climate negotiators from the US, India and China. While Jackman cracked a few jokes about being the Sexiest Man Alive (and, oh, is he ever!), he also told a touching story about an Ethiopian coffee farmer who was slowly losing his livelihood to the impacts of climate change. The negotiators then told us their goals for the negotiations at Copenhagen.

While I wished Jackman would have told them he would go Wolverine on their ass if they didn't get an agreement, I was glad that the leaders made strong statements and publicly committed to trying to get an agreement in December. I hope they hold themselves to the same standards when the celebrities aren't standing alongside of them.

Later in the day it was off to University Night hosted by Synergos. The event, honoring Kofi Annan, brought together several hundred of the experts on issues such as climate change, women's empowerment, social impact organizing, and health care to have dinner and real discussions about the issues. The evening - this year at Lincoln Center- is always good for networking, dreaming big and talking about substantive issues. Also tonight, a reception for the Global Fund (featuring Carla Bruni and Ed Burns) and a VIP reception at Hugh Jackman's house (I'm hoping my friend Stephane took pictures!).

Tomorrow: The UN's High Level Summit on Climate Change and two speeches by President Obama.

What is good about goodbye? Nothing. Except trapeze lessons.

2009-09-18T09:14:00.000-07:00

I'm in the final two weeks of work at the UN Foundation. I've been at the Foundation longer than any other job in my life, over three years, and while I'm so excited about the next couple of months, last night's going away party was a reminder of all that I've helped to build and the amazing team I'm leaving behind.

I didn't really appreciate, until last night, the unintended consequences of this search for happiness, fulfillment and something different. I'm sad that I won't see these same lovely people every day, or talk to them 50 times a day. I hope, however, that we'll remain friends and that our paths will cross again.

And while it was a little sad, it was also so much fun. It was the first time in a long time that we were all able to be together, relaxed and just eat, drink and be merry. It was also fun to see new bonds form. Two people discovering they both speak French and chatting away. Lots of inside jokes about work, about Ted, about the UN. It was a perfect night.

It was also great to learn just how supportive everyone is about what I'm doing and how they get the need to check out for a while. Nothing could be a better symbol of leaping into the great unknown than time at trapeze school.

Both terrifying and thrilling at the same time (and safer than jumping out of a plane).

Somedays the stars are right - life is an adventure

2009-09-15T08:08:00.000-07:00

I love my horoscope. Some days it just makes me smile; other days, like today, it seems spot on.

For Tuesday, September 15
Finishing up all your errands isn't that important today -- starting new projects is. So put off picking up your dry cleaning, getting more kitty litter or stopping to get your oil changes. These things can wait. But when an opportunity or invitation lands right in your lap, you have to take it! Don't let the day-to-day routine make you forget that life is an adventure. Go down an unexplored path today.

Off exploring, I go...

Rembering & Moving On

2009-09-14T05:20:00.000-07:00

September 11th. What an odd day. I know, I know, that comes out weak, but it is still hard for me to process that day. I have a very different set of memories around it. I was far, far away, living in Australia. I had just finished making dinner and we were watching tv in my living room.

Fifteen minutes before, I was so happy. I was sitting in my barren sea-side living room, drinking a nice glass of wine, cuddled up to a man I thought I was going to marry, and thinking about how wonderfully my life had turned out.

Hours later, we had moved the tv into the bedroom, I was watching the towers come down, people pour out of the Capitol and the White House, unable to reach any of my friends or family. I knew the world had changed but I didn't realize how much. Being so far away from America afforded me perspective on the whole thing. The news in Melbourne quickly went back to covering their elections, their health care, their issues. I had to scour the internet - thank goodness for the New York Times - to find out about anything. But even then, I turned back to my life in Australia. I needed to focus on that, not the dead, not the politics, not the upcoming invasion.

I did not know what orange alerts were, hadn't had jets scrambling above my house, hadn't lived thru the barricading of Washington. Pretty soon, I was taking the dog to the park, going to bbqs, meetings and living my life, again.

Almost exactly a year later, my Australian life in tatters, I came back to the US. I started work on Sen. Johnson's re-elect in South Dakota on September 5th. I was confused by the media consultants decision to go dark that week, for the mail to be held until at least the 12th. I didn't understand the impact on America's psyche, on my friends.

Then I watched the coverage. MSNBC replayed most of the footage from 9/11. I was shocked to see hours and hours of it; stories we never saw in Australia. I wept openly in my crappy apartment. I was numb for days. It was as though I was seeing it for the first time. I had a new sense of anger but, even more, I was scared. That feeling lasted a long time; it is still there, below the surface.

But it has gotten better. Life goes on. People got married, had babies. I lost my father and my grandmother. I lived thru another breakup and found someone else. I have changed jobs (several times) and in the process of leaving another one, as I write this.

Eight years after the attacks, it feels like living that life is finally back to normal. Whatever normal is.

Oh, What a Night

2009-09-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

Last night, September 9th, I hosted (along with the fabulous Tracy Sefl) a fundraiser for RAINN, the national sexual assault hotline. Our special guest and fellow host was the amazing actress, Christina Ricci. I can't even begin to describe what a special night it was for me.

First, it was a total reintroduction of RAINN to the DC community. More than 200 people showed up to learn about the organization and meet Christina. Many had never heard of it and were there simply to show their support for me, Tracy, or many of the other hosts. But they left feeling energized, engaged and excited about doing more for both RAINN and survivors. If even one-tenth of the people that volunteered to volunteer do, we'll have a whole new crop of committed activists and communicators about the hotline.

Second, it was a chance for me to stretch myself as a fundraiser. I'm so much more comfortable in the background, briefing principals, helping set events up, preparing others to ask for money or support, that trying to raise $50,000 was a real stretch for me. So I'm pretty proud of myself for stepping outside of my comfort zone, working with a team, and contributing to that goal. I asked all of my friends for money (and so many responded generously) and I even spoke (very, very briefly) at the event. I have to say that it was a fantastic experience. I think it is hard for introverts (disguised as extroverts) like myself to put ourselves out there. But doing it for such a good cause was worth all the anxiety, concern and stress.

And, finally, it was a powerful reminder of RAINN's importance. Throughout the night I met survivors, their families and their friends, who were all able to talk about and share their experiences. I met inspiring women who had not only survived rape, and even incest, but have gone on to lead amazing, powerful lives. Their stories will hopefully help other survivors to understand they are not alone, there is help for them, and that they, too, can go on to be a beauty pageant queen, a personal trainer, a lawyer, an artist and so much more.

Obama & the UN

2009-09-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

For the last few years, I've worked for the UN Foundation. I must admit that when I started here, I could barely spell "UN" and really had no idea of the depth and breadth of its work. I took this job because I wanted to work for Ted Turner (former owner of the Braves, founder of CNN, etc.) and I truly believed that if Ted thought the UN was a good thing, I would, too.

That sounds silly, I know. I'm an internationalist. I believe in humanitarian aid, I give lots of money to groups such as CARE, Oxfam and others, but I am an American. And the UN doesn't operate on US soil so I, like many, didn't really know anything about it.

But I am now a true believer. As Ted says, "If the UN didn't exist, we would have to admit it." It helps move food to the starving, vaccinate millions of children, coordinate emergency responses, protects the peace in places where peace is fleeting, and so much more. It is crucial to something as small as putting a stamp on a letter in Iowa and it making its way to China. It is also the only body that can bring together all of the world's nations to try and form global consensus around issues such as climate change.

Which is why I was so excited when the Obama Administration elevated the UN Ambassador to a cabinet-level official; why I was thrilled when he picked someone as cool and smart as Susan Rice to be the new Ambassador; and why I am I over the moon that he will be participating in not only the opening of the General Assembly, but also the high-level event on climate that is taking place the day before.

Such a great day for the UN, for America, for the world.

Here's a post from UN Dispatch that outlines his agenda for the week.

Susan Rice briefs reporters on Obama's agenda for UN Week

Mark Leon Goldberg - September 3, 2009 - 12:18pm
UN News
Susan Rice briefed the UN press corps yesterday. A few interesting items of note about American participation in events on UN week.

1) Rice implied that we can expect some sort of outcome document from a Security Council meeting on non-proliferation, chaired by President Obama. As luck would have it, the United States currently holds the month-long “presidency” of the Security Council, and the September 24 meeting is the first time that an American president will chair a Security Council meeting. So far, we do not know what form this outcome document will take. (It could be a resolution or presidential statement, or something else.) Rice did say, however, that the meeting will not focus on any specific countries (i.e. Iran and North Korea) but on non-proliferation and disarmament issues more broadly.

2) Rice suggested that most, if not all, of the heads of state of the 15 member Security Council will attend the meeting. Libya happens to be a current member of the Council. And Col. Qadaffi happens to be planning to attend the UN Summit for the first time. This means that Obama and Qadaffi will be sitting across the table from each other, something which is bound to suck up some media attention.

3) Rice announced that Obama will also address the “High Level Event” on climate change, on September 22. This is a summit organized by the Secretary General to focus political attention and help gain some momentum toward a comprehensive post-Kyoto climate accord, to be negotiated in the Copenhagen in December.

Paris!

2009-09-02T05:40:00.001-07:00

Starting in late October, I'll spend about 5 1/2 weeks in Paris taking a French immersion class. No real reason for this except that I love France, M has an apartment in Paris which I've been to often and I have always been challenged by language (and not in a good way). So I thought, why not!

As I embark on the exercise of finding my own voice again, sorting out what I want to do next, a few weeks on the Left Bank/St. Germain des Pres seems like the logical place to start.

M and I just spent a long weekend on the Rue De Buci. It was fantastic. One of the many benefits of the apartment is that I have started to feel like this most fantastic cities is a little bit my own.

A quick glimpse of our weekend:

Rue De Buci, Musee Rodin, Le Train Bleu, Kir Royales, picnic on the Seine, Cafe Flore, La Palette, Le Rostand, Fouquet, Bistro Breteuil, walks down the Champs Elysees, cafe cremes, Cafe Bonaparte, and much, much more.

Pictures are on Picassa and Facebook, for those that are interested.

Ted Kennedy RIP

2009-08-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning excited about my day. Tonight I leave for a long weekend in Paris. My favorite city, with one of my favorite people, etc. It is going to be an opportunity to orient myself further in the city before I live there for 6 weeks, starting in October.

And then I really woke up. Turning on the tv for my daily dose of the Today Show, I learned that Sen. Ted Kennedy had passed away. It wasn't a surprise. He's been sick for months. That said, I stopped short and I started to cry.

My whole life has been framed by the Kennedy legacy and, especially, Ted Kennedy's work. There were so many opportunities for him to give up, to just hang out at the family compound, and live the louche life of a Kennedy. Others in his family did it. But he didn't. Instead he stayed and fought.

And because he did, girls like me, were able to get student loans, play sports, get health care, and vote at 18. And in really hard times, he served as an inspiration to keep, keeping on.

Having worked in politics for 12 years, I met him a number of times, and I remember, when I worked for his son Patrick Kennedy at the DCCC, how he would come to take his son to lunch most weeks, but I can't pretend to have known him. I only know that I will miss him. Very much.

Odds & Ends

2009-08-24T16:43:00.001-07:00

It seems the key to having a blog is actually making the time to write for it. Which is harder than I thought. First, there's technology. Blogger is supposed to work on smartphones but the function keeps crashing. I'm also supposed to be able to create a Twitter feed (which seems to be registered to another phone number) to provide regular updates). Neither of these, for the mentioned reasons, seems to be working. So then I need to make time to be at the computer, clear my head so my posts are lucid, reasonably well punctuated and relevant.

Really?

Dear lord, I barely have time to do laundry at the moment. What have I gotten myself into? Will this work?

I have no idea. But I know that I need to try it out and see if I can keep it up, at least thru the end of the year or my next new job, whichever comes first.

So how to fill the time and space?

A few random odds and ends.

Blogs/websites I think are kinda' cool:

• Feministing.com. Founded by Jessica Valenti, I love this fresh take on feminism.
• gilt.com. I got an invite to join this "members-only" website and it was a great gift. Discounted designer merch. Fantastic.
• eater.com. I love to eat. I love NYC. 'Nuff said.
• Runplaycook.com. A groovy little blog with great recipes.
• fivethirtyeight.com. Political opinion backed up with numbers, numbers and more numbers.

Books I'm reading:

• Joy of Cooking. I took this off the shelf looking for a recipe and got sucked into the intro. My version is from the 60s (passed down from a relative) and the rules re: table settings, drink mixes and calorie counts is timeless.

• Fever Pitch and Playing the Enemy. Was reading an article about the power of football/soccer and these were mentioned so I downloaded them on my Kindle.

• Then We Came to the End. First time author, second person narrative, and hilarious (and poignant) story of an advertising agency in middle America.

Other random thoughts:

Is True Blood really any good? Watching it out and can't decide whether the ultra-camp is interesting or annoying.
Can I make the 7 AM dry-cleaning drop off? Otherwise, no purple dress in Paris.

More to come, I'm sure, but that's it. For now.

New Adventures!

2009-08-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

Today is the day that it is publicly official - I'm leaving my job. It's been semi-public for a month or so. What that means is that most people already know but today is the day I hit send on the email to my contacts and let them know I'm leaving.

But probably, if you're reading this, you know all that and you've got questions and/or are curious about WTF I'm doing. Happy to talk, off line (katherine.miller@gmail.com), and fill you in. It's nothing nefarious, bad, or stressful (see the first post on this blog from early August). In fact, it's pretty exciting and the start of something totally new for me. The biggest plan I have is to take an intensive French class in Paris for the a month in November. Other than that, I'm talking to a lot of people about what's next. I'm hoping something in the philanthropic and/or international space, but we'll see.

I do hope that if you have folks that are interested in my position at the UN Foundation, you'll encourage them to apply. It is a great place to work. And if you have any ideas or guidance on what I should do next, feel free to pass that along, too.

Tragedy in Maine

2009-08-24T05:45:00.000-07:00

I had originally intended for this post to recap the last week or so and all of the amazing things I've gotten to do (London, U2 at Wembley Stadium; New York, dinner at Artisnal; Maine, sleep, lobster, sleep, lobster) but I woke up this morning to the news that a young girl had died in an accident in Acadia National Park yesterday. This was a cold reminder that life if fleeting and that all of these magic moments can just as quickly and easily be replaced with tragic ones.

Kind of a bummer for a Monday morning (as Monday's are often hard enough on their own). But actually a good reminder to call my mother, check in with friends and get my car roof fixed (odd, I know).

#Charity Tuesday & Random Thoughts

2009-08-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

Note to self: remember a random act of kindness today and that it is charity Tuesday.

Second note to self: don't schedule a 7 AM train the morning after a late night flight back from Europe.

Random thoughts: I (heart) Top Shop; I hate coffee snobs who look at me cross-eyed when I order a skim latte; my friend Nikki Gemmel is a genius; and U2 is an amazing band.

Last one: tomorrow is a day to recognize the world's humanitarians. Especially those people who have died in the service of others, such as UN workers killed in the fields or aid workers who stand alongside of communities that are gunned down in the name of a religion, a culture, politics.

Living Examples (and Mary Robinson told me I was a good writer)

2009-08-12T15:48:00.001-07:00

A very cool thing happened today: President Obama awarded the Medal of Freedom, our highest honor, to a lot of very cool people including Muhammad Yunus, a member of the UN Foundation's Board of Directors, and Mary Robinson, the former President of Ireland, and a personal hero of mine.

The reason: they are agents of change. And at this time in our history, we need to be reminded of why that is important. Change is a huge thing. It can be painful. It means readjusting our mindset, it means being open to possibility, it means having hope that things can be better, not just different. Or at least that is what it means to me. And all of the recipients embody that.

The best part is that none of them set out to be the people they are today. They didn't plan, when they were children, to win a Nobel Prize, help end Apartheid, or try and unify a country. They just knew the world wasn't the way it should be and set out to make a difference in their own way.

Yunus has helped more than 8 million Bangladeshis - the majority of them women - establish their own businesses and help lift their communities out of poverty. Rumor is it started with $30 out of his own pocket, not a business plan to build the one of the largest micro-finance enterprises in the world.

Having the pleasure of meeting him, I can also say that he is clearly a happy man. One who is settled in his own skin and just as comfortable with Bill Gates and Bono as he is with a woman entrepreneur in his home country.

Mary Robinson is that and more, to me. A quiet, brilliant woman who took on an enormous challenge. I have always admired her and I was also lucky enough to work with her a few years ago. It was just a three-day meeting of former democratically-elected heads of state having a private meeting about how to tackle climate change. There were only three women around the table. She was calm, clear with her opinions, but she didn't posture or lecture like some of the other participants did. She was a daily reminder of how powerful we can be, especially when we use our opinions judiciously.

The whole reason I was there was to draft the statement and policy documents the group would present to the international media at the end of the conference. Several drafts into it, on the last day, when there was no consensus, and my boss dressed me down in front of the whole group for not quite getting it. Mary Robinson took to the microphone and said, "I think this statement is fine. In fact, Katherine did a good job, it's well written and it says what we want it to say." The talking stopped, a show of hands approved the documents, and just a little while later the group faced a gaggle of media reading the document I wrote. I couldn't really smile but on the inside I was beaming.

I have no delusions that she remembers that day; such is the life of a former world leader. Truth be told, I don't remember much else about that trip. Most of the three days was a blur. But I will never forget her kind words, her determined stance, and I will always treasure the moment when she gave me the confidence to keep trying to make a difference, albeit it a small one, in the world.

Table 81

Thank you!

CGI to COMNET 010

My what a difference a year makes (or not)

Balance is b*llsh*t. Seriously.

The Gasp Factor

Choices and Choice

A Girl and the Game

A Car in the Living Room Puts Life in Perspective

Finding inspiration in ocean sounds, tiny (140) acts and my friends

5. 5. 4:13.

Unfinished business is done

What is success? Ask Bessie Stanley.

Inspiring People, Places and Things - Oh, my!

Saks 1, Happiness Maybe (Ok, more than maybe)

Hello, February! (Oh, and the list of Oscar nominations, too.)

The 82nd Annual Oscar Nominations

Bootcamp 1, Diet Coke 0

Bikini what?

Martha Made Me Do It (The tale of the cork board and mascara.)

Consume less. Save some. Give more.

12 Things (an experiment in living)

When preparing for re-entry ...

Just the Holiday Mix

Joy & Peace (and the playlist)

Paris Wrap Up

Paris!

Grateful

Random photo gallery (can you name where?)

How time flies!

Just when is enough? (Culture, that is)

The Soundtrack for My Paris

A Week in the Life ... Serendipity Rules

O Chateau, Cafe de Flore and more

Comfort: Fashion, food and literature

The Louvre Has Gnomes!

A Not So Hidden Gem

Parisian patisseries, Cooking classes and, next up, Hidden Kitchen

Les Arts Décoratifs and so much more

Paris Prep, pt 2. & Paris Tweeters.

Paris Prep and, then, WTF!

Free Time Fills Up

Oakland Sunshine & Paris Blogs

Learning Something New Everyday

A Beautiful Day & Some Things to Check Out

Rule #1: Don't step on your own message

Happiness is...

Classic Ted and So Much More

Top of Mind and #HalftheSkyTues

It Is A New Day and A New Era

NYC in the Fall and an X-Men for Climate Change

What is good about goodbye? Nothing. Except trapeze lessons.

Somedays the stars are right - life is an adventure

Rembering & Moving On

Oh, What a Night

Obama & the UN

Paris!

Ted Kennedy RIP

Odds & Ends

New Adventures!

Tragedy in Maine

#Charity Tuesday & Random Thoughts

Living Examples (and Mary Robinson told me I was a good writer)

Balance is bllsht. Seriously.