But, wow, it is hard. I haven't worked in seven and a half months and I have loved it, really.
To spend that much time doing only the things I wanted to do was an amazing gift (combined with some savvy financial planning). I traveled to Paris, Ebbsfleet, Mexico, New York, San Francisco, and spent more time in DC than I had in the whole year before. I spent time with my best friends, my mom, myself. It was all great. I lost 10 pounds, got up to running 5 miles, and was going to yoga regularly. I read 35 books (even the Karl Rove book was interesting), saw a ton of movies, caught up on seasons of Lost and Mad Men, and spent a fair bit of time writing.
Granted there were some lessons learned. My boyfriend broke up with me (pre-Paris); I took a dear person's friendship for granted; a couple of other friends have uninvited me from their day-to-day lives; I didn't visit India because I didn't want to go alone; I really hate running; oh, the list goes on. But for every negative experience I had, I had 20 positive ones and, no matter what, this time off will count as one of the smarter things I have done in my life.
So how was it so easy to slip back into bad habits? In the eight weeks since I went back to work (first as on high-wattage, low profile project and now with a company) I have barely made it to the gym, haven't seen some of dearest friends but I'm oddly over scheduled, and I'm falling asleep in front of the tv, again.
What happened?
I will admit I love to work - I've been doing it since I was 15 - but I honestly think the challenge of finding work-life balance is all about wanting to have a life and forcing yourself to fight for it. I don't want to go back to being the bitter, angry, depressed person I was nearly eight months ago. I was miserable and so was everyone around me. But sometimes it is easier to throw yourself into all the bad habits to hide from the fact that there are still somethings that are off kilter.
Losing that 10 pounds again, and 10 more on top of that, won't get me a date but it will make me feel better about me. Asking to repair friendships won't actually make it happen but I can try. Visiting my family won't erase the times I haven't but it is a good start.
All of this sounds obvious but I hadn't actually focused on it until tonight. First up, I spent a little time with a good friend, A. Not an acquaintance or a social friend but a true friend who doesn't judge or try to fix. Just someone to talk with and you each make each other laugh. Perfect.
Then when I got home, my friend S. called. He is one my dearest, oldest and best friends. Lately we haven't been getting along. But tonight he called and I made a crack that I was glad he was alive. He said, "barely". At first I thought he was joking but then I realized that maybe he was but only just a little.
A car had run into his house. Now this is the 5th time in 20 years this has happened so maybe he should consider moving but, still, no one wants a car to run into their house on a Friday night. Or ever. Several cop cars, firetrucks and contractors later and everything is fine. Thankfully the car hit neither he or his 55-inch TV but it did break through the living room wall, damage the foundation of his house and is likely to disrupt his life for a few weeks.
Ugh!
I was so glad he called. Not only did calling make him laugh a little it made me thankful I was still on speed dial.
Which is how this, the car running into the house, fits in with remembering all the progress I had made. Simply put, unless your BP and destroying the Gulf Coast, you can probably recover from backslides (including the late devouring of a pizza). It's possible to go back to yoga, start running again, not take work too seriously, learn to date again. It is possible, with a phone call, to fix a friendship.
Even without a car in the living room.
