I don't really know what came over me, honestly. Maybe it was being with two of my best girl friends and having more fun together than we had in a long time. Maybe I was itchy and bored from being stuck inside for much of the last two weeks (54 inches of snow will do that). It was probably some combination of both. That and the fact that it was one of the most beautiful bags I had seen in a long time. Who isn't a sucker for the color orange? Or for a bag that so very much captures your personality and fits a laptop, gym clothes, a calendar, makeup, car keys, etc.?Whatever it was though I walked into Saks to buy some face powder and walked out with a Balenciaga bag. My friends loved it. The saleslady was laughing (and not just because of her commission). The snow had stopped. I felt great.
Yet when I got it home and took it out of the Saks bag, I was struck by feelings of guilt. That somehow giving into my material desires was a sign that something was wrong with me. Seriously, if there is any regular girl who doesn't need another a bag, it's probably me. Buying something to help me feel better? That wasn't the whole idea of this year of choices, this time of rethinking priorities, looking for happiness. I was supposed to be stronger than this, one day at Saks wasn't supposed to end like this?
Or was it? I wanted it. I can (nominally) afford it. It counts as my one thing for February. I actually I don't have something that fits all of my stuff and can still go to a work meeting. And it's so very, very pretty.
This was the conversation I had with myself for about an hour. Then I just stopped. I decided that I had done nothing wrong. Didn't violate any of my own rules. So, I put everything into the bag, my phone and metro card in the front pocket, and the next morning walked out the door.
On 14th Street, walking from the gym to the Caribou coffee and on my way to back-to-back meetings, a woman passed me. She looked at the bag and said, "nice". I couldn't agree more.
