When preparing for re-entry ...

How much should you reduce your velocity by so that you don't either bounce or burn up?

I came across this question on a site for gamers (which is probably the subject of a whole other set of posts) but it seemed to perfectly sum up my thought process at this moment, two solid weeks after coming back from Paris and as the holidays kick in. How best to figure out what is next in life? In work? In love? And how to do it all without completely burning out. After all there are only so many discussions I can have about my future before even I will get sick of listening to me.

It may come across as ungrateful to whine about too many coffees or lunches or parties or dinners. After all, I'm incredibly blessed to have friends and family that are supportive of this journey. I'm also smart enough to have planned well enough that I can choose my next job carefully. So why the angst?

Part of it has to do with being back in DC. This town has been my home for over 15 years. My friends are here, my professional networks, and, as a political junkie, it is THE place to live. There is no other place - except maybe Hollywood - where people are so defined by what they do, their politics, and their passions. It is exactly those qualities that make it such a special place.

It is also why it is a living hell to be in when unemployed, underemployed, or on a sabbatical. The first question anyone (and I do mean anyone) asks is, what do you do? A slight variation, in my case, is what are you doing now? Without a social acceptable answer to that question one quickly discovers they are irrelevant. People turn to others at the table and start talking to them. One person simply walked away from me at a party when I said I had left my job in October and was taking six months off. Just looked at me funny and said, oh, I see a friend. Nice talking to you. It is easy to quickly feel out of place, unimportant.

What to do about it? I still haven't figured that one out yet.

• Flee to another country? Check. In January, I'm headed to Tulum for eight days.
• Avoid DC social scene? Mostly check. Since being back, I've restricted myself to hanging out with good friends. Many of these relationships were neglected over the last year as I traveled around and worked too much. With the exception of a few parties, I've avoided situations where I have to answer the dreaded question.
• Baking? Cooking? Check, check. I've hosted a brunch, made caramels, am hosting Christmas Eve dinner, and baking cookies for gifts.
• Reading? Journaling? Also, check. I have read 30 books (including everything I read in Paris, self-help books and travel guides), written a fair bit and am just starting the new Stephen King novel.

What's missing? Despite all of these fabulous things, I'm still a little lost. Still not quite sure how to answer THE question. How to become "relevant" again in city that is built on access, reputation and employment status. This will take more than one blog post, one self-help book, one silent retreat. It has now become part of the quest for happiness.

One easy thing to do, to help, has been to create a virtual inspiration board (i.e. lots of stickies and photos on my desktop) to help inspire me. Among the quotes I am finding helpful at the moment are:

"Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. ~Foster C. McClellan

"One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest. ~Maya Angelou

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain

"Education is the power to think clearly, the power to act well in the world's work, and the power to appreciate life." ~Brigham Young

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in making new landscapes but in seeing existing landscapes with new eyes. "~Marcel Proust

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined. " ~Henry David Thoreau

"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true." ~Woodrow Wilson

"Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." ~Dr. Dale E. Turner

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. "~Eleanor Roosevelt